Oregairu Analysis – 2nd Memorandum: Or, It Can Be This Person’s Monologue. [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.]

Who is the owner of the second memorandum? This analysis will reveal some part of her/his story, before s/he will decide to plan “another ridiculous pitfall”.

In “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru. (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。), Oregairu (俺ガイル)LN v10, As I wrote before in 1st Memorandum, Watari-sensei wrote 3 Memorandum but didn’t reveal who are the owner of each monologue. This time, I will try analyze memorandum continue from the first. I think it is the most difficult memorandum, the second.

I read comments from sites that discussed about the owner. For my opinion, when v10 was released, I really don’t know who is the right answer. After read comments from those sites, I still can’t find any solid evidences to make me confident who is. Some comments said this is Yukino, some said it’s Hayato.

Update (01/28/2018)

I decide to write my new assumption since it appears that old assumption I wrote below is shallow. But I will not change my final answer because I still think it’s correct answer. So I will write re-filter that will drive to the core of this owner’s story as “Re-filter Candidates”. However, I also think all characters who like to read is still fine, so I will re-filter with that list. Come to think of it, I notice that this is the most difficult memorandum among three memorandums. Although I ever thought that the last one is very difficult, but it’s so easy compare to this second memorandum. Because there’s no easy way to filter characters in this memorandum.

  • Please read Attention page first, to let you understand that my all analysis are not 100% right. All of them mix with my assumption/guess as well, more or less. If you expect absolute reliable analysis, I can’t provide them to you.
  • Gigantic spoilers  after this point.
  • Before you proceed more than this, I recommend you to read/watch LN, anime & manga -Monologue-. Especially, this analysis focused on LN v10 because this memorandum is in there only.

Filter possible answers (as usual).

Like I did in my analysis in the first memorandum. I will filter possible answers. With less candidates, it might be easier for me to look for who is monologue owner.

Find who likes to read.

I will use the same trick, since in this memorandum, this person read many novel books like he/she is searching something. Some of them is No Longer Hum*n and Run, M*los! It means one of his/her hobbies is reading. So the next step is filter anyone who has this hobby.

  • Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡): As a loner, reading is the best.
  • Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃): When you enter her club, what she always does is reading.
  • Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃): One of her hobbies is reading. And in doughnut shop (LN v8), we see there’re thick books at her table.
  • Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人): Are you surprised? I never know when he reads any books. He likes sports but reading is his hobby too.
  • Hiratsuka Shizuka(平塚 静): She likes ramen and manga too.
  • Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜): Yes, as a fujoshi, reading is one of her skill (but please ask me which manga she likes to read). Her fav is LN.
  • Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (材木座 義輝): He aims to be a writer, then reading (manga & LN) is necessary.

cactus-book-pixabay

This list is the result from looking in their profiles. (If I miss someone, please tell me via comment, OK?) Then, what should I do next?

Filter candidates. (Old Version)

ps. To read filter candidates (new version), you can skip to that point by click here.

In this memorandum, this person wants the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through by someone. It means that this person doesn’t want to reveal her/himself to be public but wants someone to see through her/him. S/he has expectation but it seems this wish was not fulfilled yet.

These people below can’t survive in the next round. Let’s see why.

  • In case of Haruno would not be the right answer because she was seen through by Hachiman and few characters. She doesn’t mind to slip her mask a bit to let people see right through her easier.
    • If you see the first picture above (Haruno and Hachiman are talking), she mentioned that Hayama also expects something will find him.
    • Please read Oregairu analysis about the third memorandum for more info, because she is waiting for that person who can see right through her.
  • In case of Hachiman, he almost survive to the next round. I mean, we know he is loner and wants to be alone. But he wishes to has friend relationship and has girlfriend. Moreover, when he said earlier he wants genuine, later, he tries to maintain love triangle relationship between him, Yukino and Yuigahama unintentionally because he is so scared that “friend relationship” he always wishes, will disappear if he doesn’t maintain it. They were caught later by Haruno. He was seen through by her but never expect someone will notice his altruistic self-interest. So I will count him out.
  • In case of Zaimokuza. He is Otaku, body & soul. I don’t really know he wants people to see right through him if he has another self. But when I see him try to achieve his own goal (to be the novelist), pro in fighter game. He really means that. He is what he wants to be.
  • For Ebina, she is like Yukino’s case. She is wearing fujoshi mask and yaoi aura and doesn’t want anyone to destroy her AT field (yet).

So the candidates in final round are Yukino and Hayato. I am not sure who should be the final answer yet but this person wants someone will see through and understand him/her.

  • In case of Yukino…
    • She is the type that will not allow people to see right through her, herself who is weak until now.When Hachiman talks about “genuine” with Yukino and Yuigahama, she tries to hold herself so both of them will not notice. And this theory confirms when she runs away to maintain herself so her inner self will not be revealed. When he and Yuigahama follow her to outside, it seems she calms down a bit.
    • However, Yukino expects at least Hachiman and Yuigahama will understand her by themselves although she doesn’t need to tell them about her. We can notice this when Hachiman can avoid Yukino and Yuigahama to be the school president, Yukino realizes he is the one who helps Isshiki Iroha (一色いろは) to be the school president. And she realizes more that Yuigahama is pleased that Isshiki’s problem is solved by his doing. So she mutters a bit that she hopes Hachiman (or maybe Yuigahama too, I’m not sure) could understand why she tries to become the school president. It appears that she wants to solve Isshiki’s problem with her own hard work, and her reason to run the school president, is to erase Haruno’s opinion about her before.
  • In case of Hayama is not different much from Yukino’s case. He never show/tell people or his friends about how he feels, not once.

Both Yukino and Hayato have their own image clearly.

Their images are clear…

  • Yukino is the strong/honest/cool girl in Hachiman’s opinion. Strong, honest, straightforward and cool are what her image tells him directly.
  • Hayato is a nice guy in Hachiman’s opinion. Kind, gentle, friendly, always help everyone, response every expectations. All of them mixed in his image.

These are images that Hachiman thinks after used human observation skill. If he thinks like this, then I assume almost everyone around both of them would think like him too, because their images are clear.

…or they are illusion.

… Both of them are the same in some way. However, when this person read “No Longer Hum*n”, s/he mentioned about him/herself is more diminutive, cowardly, and vulgar than the existence in that book. What does this mean? Or could it be the image this person created is not true image?

Could it be this is illusion?

My guest today, Onee-san!

I still can’t find the right answer. However, with analyze above, it can make me confident that Yukino or Hayato are possible answers more, like everyone else can be, but they were the second round candidates because filter. So what should I find next? Come to think of it, both of them are former childhood friends. So the one I should look for more reasonable info is that person, Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃)!

Yukinoshita Haruno descends from limo. (Oregairu episode 8)Hyahallo! Leave it to Onee-san~

Her first job: Tutor.

This second memorandum was written before c7-8 in LN v10. It’s like that person’s interesting story happened during this period. So the ch I should look for Haruno’s hints, should be the ch before this person will say his/her own monologue. C6 (or anime Zoku ep11).

  • Haruno is (like) the  older sister of Hayato and Yukino who lived/played together with them. Who will know about both of them more than her?
  • In this ch 6 (before the second memorandum will come), Haruno went to Zoku high school to do her job as a tutor. (who gives some  assists with education guidance for second years.)

Her second job: Guide.

So Haruno is the suitable person who can give us education guidance

Yukinoshita Haruno refuses to Yukino's question. (Oregairu Zoku ep11)
… Sorry, Ma’am.

After she did her job, she asks Hachiman to walk her to the train station. While they are walking together, she knew from him that Hayato didn’t tell what department he interested.

Hikigaya Hachiman is walking Yukinoshita Haruno to the train station. (Oregairu Zoku ep 11)

After this update news, Haruno seems understand Hayato a bit. Because she says he would expect something too. and something that will find him, maybe. From her words, I assume that she is in the similar situation from Hayato’s (no one can find them). So she thinks he would need someone to find the real him too. This is my assumption from a clue from her.

In case you want to know why I think Haruno wants someone to find her out too, you can check this Oregairu analysis focused on memorandum of this person out.

Yukinoshita Haruno is looking to the past. (Oregairu Zoku ep 11)

Connection

Haruno’s two hints gave us they might link with this person’s monologue.

Yukinoshita Haruno thinks Hayama Hayato wants something will find him. (Oregairu Zoku ep 11)

…It seems time is over. Thanks for walking with me, I hope you will find answer soon.

  1. Hayato expects something that will find him. (Or I think it should be  someone too.)
  2. In case this is someone, I will think some choices. His parents? Friends? or people who is sensitive to the evils of people?
    1. At least I don’t think his parents will be the right choice, because in LN, we just know their career, wealth & close relationship with Yukinoshita family only. There are no any clues they try to find the real Hayama.
    2. In case of his friends, I think at least Ebina Hina would understand him more than any friends in clique (yup, even Miura Yumiko (三浦 優美子)). Because from her conversation with Hachiman about Hayama, I think is kind of sensitive in evils of people too. But although she understands him, I don’t think she is “someone” Haruno mentions. Because I can’t see any signal that gives me any clue about Hayama expect something from her.
      But I don’t think Ebina’s skill to observe human will be useless. Because the author makes her to tell about this to Hachiman when they are alone (if my memories is not wrong, I think she talks about Hayama to Hachiman while they are going to the party after the marathon or something like that). So it means she gives him the baton to the relay race. If my assumption is not wrong, Hachiman will be the anchorman.
    3. However, please don’t forget there’s another person who seems understand Hayama, that person is Haruno. Because like I wrote above, she thinks her situation is not different from his. So it’s possible “someone” is Haruno too. However, I don’t think again she will be the one who will do that. I think she is like Ebina, although they would understand him, it’s not like they will confront him in order to help him either. Especially, Haruno. From this moment in the doughnut cafe (in LN v8, anime Zoku ep3, manga -Monologue v7), for Hayama, I think she is in the special position in his heart, but from Haruno’s feeling toward him at the same time, I think she will leave him although she understands him. You can notice more from the moment she is talking with Hachiman in pics above, she is like Ebina when they know about Hayama but they still did the same, talk about this to Hachiman. So I will conclude that he will the last and only choice to do this job.
  3. This person expects the eyes that looked his/her way from outside. S/he wants those eyes will see through the farce of  altruistic self-interest.
  4. This person expects that “No Longer Hum*n” book or “that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people” might find/see through him/her.

With this list, is it possible that Hayato might be the right answer more than Yukino? Haruno’s hints and monologue of this person connected clearly. Hayato wants something will find him. “Him” can mean “the real Hayato”, not “the nice Hayato”. It is the perfect image that he created.

So Altruistic self-interest = the nice Hayato?

If “the nice Hayato” is image, it means he is not the perfect/nice one like Hachiman and people around him always understood?

If it’s Hayato, why must be Hachiman?

Although all I blah blah about Haruno and Ebina who seem understand Hayato, I still wonder why they are not enough for him? So I will write some questions.

Why does Hayato tell Hachiman that he is not nice guy like he thinks?

Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) tells Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) that he is not nice guy like he thinks. (Oregairu Zoku ep 7)

These question are interesting because they make Hachiman to the spotlight. Hayato wants him to retry the understanding about him again. Or should I say, look at him carefully again, not just his “nice guy” image (this is not must gay, Ebina-san). If you read my all Oregairu analysis that have “Hayama Hayato” tag, you will understand why Hachiman is the only one he wants to see through his farce of altruistic self-interest.

  • Why does Hayato want Hachiman to rise so they will be equal?
  • Why does Hayato not like Hachiman and try to compete with him until now (started in LN v4)?

If you read all analysis that have Hayama Hayato tag, you will know answer of these questions. And you will know why Hachiman is the only choice for Hayato. Because he wants this person (who steals her attention already), finally turn around and sees him as “the equal”. The equal means to stand in the same level. And after you try to connect all keywords from two questions above, you will realize what the equal means.

Equal, not like, compete

Why does this person want to be understood sooooo badly?

Like I wrote above, that is the reason. But that’s not the only reason. Talk about understanding, this person has problem no one can understand him/her. This person tried to read books to search for answer for that problem and finally found “No Longer Hum*n” book. This person expects that person will see through him/her. I think this is kind of pleasure/happiness.

If someone understands the real you, the real you who needs to wear perfect image almost 24 hours so people will not harm you, so you can survive in society. It means someone will realize his/her weakness/problem/suffering. I guess this person will continue to wear perfect image endlessly but wants someone to understand his/her suffering. If someone understands the suffering of this person, it is like… s/he was saved or helped.

Hayama Hayato comments Hikigaya Hachiman wants to be saved. (Oregairu Zoku ep 4)

Understanding the suffering = was saved or helped = Pleasure/Happiness

 …Maybe this is “this person’s desire”.

However, when Hayama tells Hachiman during marathon that he wants him to be his equal, I notice he has another unbelievable reason why he decides to tell Hachiman before that he is not nice guy like he thinks. I hope I can write analysis during that period. I will mark this for now.

Hayato’s conclusion

As I wrote before the second memorandum happened before LN v10 c7-8. The third memorandum happened after c8 so it means this ch should be the conclusion of this person’s way of life.

Can’t choose…

In LN v10 c8 or anime Zoku ep 11, Hayato is talking with Hachiman in the after-party. He said…

Hayama Hayato is confessing to Hikigaya Hachiman. (Oregairu Zoku ep11)

Hachiman knew he did not talking about career path. Hayato can’t decide anything, answers any expectations for so long for his own comfortableness. He can pick the most optimal solution only. This is the safety choice but this makes him regret as well. He told Tobe Kakeru (戸部 翔) to decide his own career path but He is the one who actually regret because he can’t refuse or create new choice.

So not choose.

It’s like Hayato laid down for his destiny so he announced he will continue to answer people’s expectations. It’s like he wants to wear the perfect image and choose the safety path. He decided his way of life and thought this is his own choice. Furthermore, he said he needs to show that there’s someone who isn’t forcing expectations.

Zoom in:
He needs to show (everyone) that there’s someone (it’s him) who isn’t forcing expectations.

With this speech, I think Hayato hates people who placed expectations to him but not understand his suffering because these expectations. However, he can’t say anything loudly and directly. So he decides that he will be hero the one who isn’t forcing expectations to other people.

Re-filter candidates

This point is the new candidate filtration that I decide to write who is the owner of this memorandum after I wrote many Oregairu analysis and reviewed this memorandum carefully. However, I am still not sure that what I will write below, will be what the author intends to tell readers or not. But I think the final answer is correct. So I promise that I will analyze thoroughly.

I will re-filter with these characters who like to read books.

1. Suffering

Now, we have candidates (Hachiman, Yukino, Haruno, Hayato, Ebina, Zaimokuza, and Hiratsuka-sensei). So I will start to exclude characters who are not match with emotion of this owner. If you read this memorandum, you can notice so easily that s/he is suffering, so I can exclude Hachiman from the list. Because when I read c1-6 that are the story before this memorandum, I don’t see he is suffering. He has difficult job to do and is worried about the rumor or the atmosphere within the club, but I don’t see there’s any hardship to the point it’s so painful to him.

2. Expectation and Understanding

This person suffers because s/he expected something from someone that is related to the understanding between this owner and other people/person. So I can exclude Yukino and Hiratsuka-sensei because of this quote.

I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.

  1. Yukino: If this is LN v8-9, I will not exclude her because it matches with her thoughts. But her problem about this issue was solved by Hachiman. And when I reviewed LN v10, I don’t see she is suffering because of this topic.
    But if I will think Yukino hurts because she expects Haruno can give clue about Hayato’s career path but she is complained by her older sister, yes, I can see that she suffers from this moment. But it is not reasonable for her to read many books after that painful moment And it’s not related to her true nature either.
  2. Hiratsuka-sensei: This teacher has this problem (marry) so it’s within the circle of expectation and understanding. However, she doesn’t expect someone to solve her problem and people who have ability to see right through people around her are all younger people. I don’t see why she wants them to solve her problem. But if you think the possibility, yes, it’s possible that she will expect one of them to help her, but if it’s like that for real, this would destroy her pride (student helps adult like her). And I don’t think other adults around her have rare ability like that since the author never mention anyone like that.

Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) can't look at Hiratsuka Shizuka (平塚 静)'s suffering. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 ep 9)

3. This Person Is not Looked.

Next is how to filter Haruno, Hayato, Zaimokuza and Ebina. I can select another one who is not match with this quote.

Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.

The one who is not match with this quote is Haruno since she meets the one who is sensitive to her behaviors and is interested of that person. I think I can reveal that person is main character, Hachiman (I don’t mean Yukino because although she understands her older sister’s mask, she can’t see Haruno’s suffering, so Haruno focuses at other people who might see right through her final layer). And until now, although Hachiman can’t understand Haruno and wants to avoid her, he reviews her thoughts, that is what she is expecting. To have someone try to understand is what she is receiving. So I don’t think she is suffering because of this.

Excluding Haruno can be done because there’s solid evidence from her, in LN v10, when she asks Hachiman if he asked Hayato what his career path is. Hachiman’s answer makes her review something that related to “his expectation” ⊗, but I notice that this issue makes her think about herself or “her own expectation” . So when Hachiman asks her what Hayato is expecting, she says that…

“Something that’ll find him, I guess.”

Although she said “him”, I don’t think she means Hayato 100%, but it’s herself. Because she is not the type who will say about herself directly as the author’s style, and when I reviewed her reaction when she answers this, her expression at that time is one point that makes me pause a bit. I don’t know why I feel like that, but when anime and manga Monologue focuses at her face (and even her feet), I can dare say that she is talking about her own expectation definitely.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) thinks Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) wants something will find him. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 ep 11)


In case you want to know her suffering in full edition, it was written in LN v10, or you can explore more in Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?


4. Overall Image

So right now, I have three candidates, Hayato, Ebina and Zaimokuza. So I tried to review 2nd memorandum again to exclude like usual. However, I can’t find any clue that will help me do that. So I used another way to check the answer, by “assuming that this character is the owner of second memorandum”, and I read this memorandum again. However, this method didn’t help me find which person doesn’t fit with this memorandum either. (Sigh)

Although my effort with two methods didn’t help me to filter, but reading memorandum makes me notice that

  1. the owner “is expecting”. This thought of the owner must do or plan something as the next step. Because if s/he is expecting that person to make her/his expectations becomes the reality, but s/he do nothing, it’s possible that the owner’s wish would never come true.
  2. You can argue me that this person is expecting, but it doesn’t mean that s/he will do something. Because this owner might hope only, but doesn’t do anything. Yes, but when I reviewed this memorandum, it seems this owner is suffering from something, to the point s/he read many books contiguously without tiredness, it means that her/his desire is severe. So my assumption in 1) would be more possible. = This owner is planning or doing something.

That’s why I will filter by using this assumption, to find which characters is not planning or doing something to make her/his expectations come true. And I will find this answer by reading LN v10 only because this memorandum was written in this v10, that is her/his current events.

  1. When I reviewed Zaimokusa’s story in LN v10, I didn’t see he is planning or doing something to make/use “another person” so his wish will come true.
    Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (材木座 義輝) endures the suffering. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 ep 2)
  2. For Ebina’s case, her roles in this v10 are…
    1. helping the service club to find Hayato’s career path, that I can exclude this issue, because it’s not related to the memorandum anyway.
    2. her point of view about how Hayato avoids the issue and maintains their clique, when the rumor (Hayato and Yukino) is super hot issue. So I think if she is having expectation, she is hoping her group will be the same like always, so she can live peacefully, and she expects Hayama will solve this problem. = Hayato is “that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people”.
      However, this assumption is not consistent with emotion of the owner of this memorandum and overview. Because if she is worried what is happening in her clique, I don’t think she suffers to the point she must find the answer in books, and although it’s consistent toward “expectation”, it doesn’t not accord with she can’t forgive herself for thinking she was “understood” and “was understood by someone” either.
      That’s why I will also exclude Ebina from the list.
      Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜) can escape, thanks to Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡). (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku)
  3. For Hayato’s case, yes, he is the most possible choice to be the owner of the second memorandum. But I will not explain about this in this section because it’s very long. I should analyze his story and 2nd memorandum in full version below.

Even Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) made a big mistake. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime Ep 10)

Eh!?

5. Hidden Keyword!

After I tried reading his comments in this ch, over and over, IMO, there’s no any doubt that Hayama Hayato would be “this person”. However, I found another evidence that points it’s him. A keyword. Watari-sensei wrote hidden keyword in this memorandum as well to points who is the owner of this monologue.

This person in this memorandum talked/worried about him/herself. Look for the answer in books to ease his/her suffering. Expect someone will see the real him/herself. All of these focus on this her/his true nature or “person”.

Person

And guess who has a character in his/her name that means “Person”?

隼人 = 隼 means “Falcon” and 人 means “Person”.

Re-Analyze Hayato.

However, although I filtered and found the most possible answer, it didn’t mean that Hayato is the owner of 2nd memorandum (as its title says, “Or, it can be anyone’s monologue”). So to check the answer and to satisfy my readers, I will do my best again to analyze the overview of this memorandum.

1. Decode His Searching.

If I assume that Hayato is the correct answer, it means that one part of his story must connect with the 2nd memorandum too. First, this person read many books to find the answer or how to solve his problem(s).

a) These novels certainly did feel similar to me. They even made me think that they were close to my true nature, or perhaps, my disposition that could very well be called malignant.

b) However, even so, there was something decisively different.

c) No matter the literary master, no matter the masterpiece, they weren’t close at all.

d) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.

I will skip some quote because it’s not necessary to analyze what he wants to search that much (at least for now). These quotes will help me limit area to analyze his intention toward his books. Or should I say, his expectation from reading books. When I reviewed these quotes, I started to understand [what he wants to find] and [how he searches.] Let me bring up the quote a) and d) first.

Quote a) and d) helps me know how he searches and what he wants to find from his books.

  1. From quote a), he tries to find any characters in books who is the same as him. That character must be close to his true nature that he admits himself that his disposition is like cancer. It seems there are books that have characters like him.
  2. And quote d) helps me to know that is what he wants.
  3. With these quote a) and d), they tells me that he searches for a character that is like him and has the similar problems as him.

The reason he looks for a character like that, because he wants to find any reference that will help him solve his own problems. However, it seems that keywords he keys in his private library, are too specific… This is what quote b) & c) tells me.

2. The Meaning of Quote d).

I can say that if I can decode the meaning in quote d), I can understand Hayato’s wish and suffering, hope and despair. But to decode this is very difficult, because it can be interpreted to anything. Although I reviewed this memorandum over and over, I couldn’t find its meaning. Until I surrendered to this powerful memorandum.

So what I can do at this point is, glancing around. At least, although I didn’t know that what “For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you” means, but I can decode that his hope/desire is the other party to have addressed him, to have sympathized with him. But what he gets is something opposite, so I will decode that the other party didn’t address him, the other party didn’t sympathized with him, = this is his despair.

The next step is, if I can find its meaning in memorandum, I must look around in his own story. That’s why I collect his problems that happen in LN v10.

  1. Career Path: He decides to hide his choice.
  2. Rumor
  3. Arranged Marriage (!?)
  4. His inferiority complex toward Hachiman
  5. Love

With these, to eliminate choices, I will consider them.

  • Career path is one of events that Hayato and his classmates must decide. However, I don’t think this is his problem although how he hides it is very fishy (although we can think that he might hide his career path for his friends’s sake, I think he can advise his friends to choose by themselves while he can reveal his choice). But I will not explain why he hides this even from his friends in this analysis since it’s related to another event And if he sent his career path form already, it means that he has no problem with this issue.
  • Rumor: I think this is his problem definitely. And it’s possible that he finds the solution in books so he can stop this rumor. Although he couldn’t read those books since he was too young, when the rumor happened in the past, I think he can look for the reference when he grows enough to read difficult things.
    But this problem is still not consistent completely. Especially, when he expects that if it’s “that person”, they might find me and see right through me, it’s not consistent with how he solves that rumor. Hayato can solve this problem and he doesn’t need anyone to find and see right through him. I think I will write about how he solves this problem in another post.
    "Plan" of Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) reached 98%. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime ep 11)
  • Arranged marriage: Yes, I can say that his career path has strong connection with this event. And this is the reason why he covers his career choice from everyone. However, after I wrote many analysis about this character, I can dare say that this marriage is huge benefit to him. Because he can marry with his crush via adults’s decisions. So I don’t see why he suffers from this issue.

If you want to know more about arranged marriage in Oregairu story, you can search posts with this keyword.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) says loudly that Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) is not. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime Ep 10)


  • His inferiority complex toward Hachiman: …When I checked this issue with memorandum, I didn’t find any fault. Therefore, although he always hides his malice every time he feels inferior toward Hachiman, there are two times he tells Hachiman about this (although Hachiman still doesn’t know why Hayato feels like that).

    1. In LN v9 (anime season2 ep8), when Hachiman is looking for Isshiki Iroha (一色いろは), he comes to soccer club that she is the manager to ask people, and he meets Hayato there. Hachiman thinks he would help this kouhai but Hayato tells him that he is not nice guy like he thinks.
    2. And in LN v10 (anime season2 ep11), he tells Hachiman about how he feels.But if I will consider that his inferiority complex as only one factor, it means that he compares himself who is nice guy to the loner and suffers from this comparison. This can be called HayaxHachi!!

      No one believe Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜), but it might come true (kidding). (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 anime ep 12)
      I’m kidding, ok?
      I mean, if I think that Hayato’s inferiority complex as just one factor. no matter this is love or hate between these two boys, there’s one thing in memorandum that is not consistent with this issue. Look at this quote.

      That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.

      I don’t think why Hayato wants that person to solve this issue so people might find him and see right through him. Because this should be …private issue. I don’t think he wants people to imagine HayaxHachi or even people understand how he suffers from comparing to Hachiman either. I will say that it’s not benefit to him. And He is not the type who will reveal his secret to people either, even his friends too. So I don’t think he suffers because of this and wants people to understand this pain. As if the rumor is not hot enough.
      To tell you the truth, it’s too bad that this is not BL. If Hayato suffers because of this issue for real, I think we can switch to HachixHaya (!?), if Hachiman realizes Hayato’s feeling…(slurp).

      These are not enough to imagine!!

      Just do it!!

    3. Do you think how Miura will feel toward HachixHaya? Or will she decide to choose completely different route?

      YumixYui or YuixYumi? (Yuigahama Yui (由比ヶ浜 結衣) & Miura Yumiko (三浦 優美子). (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime ep 9)

      YumixYui or YuixYumi? For me, I think Yui is Seme & Miura is Uke, so YuixYumi!!

      Yaoi is love , Yuri is life. 
      To sum it up, no matter Hayato’s inferiority complex is love or hate, it is consistent with memorandum 95% (except Ebina is “they” who might find him and see right through him, because if this is Yaoi, she found him and saw right through him already ♥♥). So I …HAVE NO CHOICE but hide my feel- umm I mean, eliminate this issue.
      Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜) (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. ( やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。) anime ep10)

  • Love: Now we reach the last choice! I will tell you first that when I checked this issue with memorandum, I didn’t think it’s consistent with it, Hayato’s inferiority complex is more possible choice. I can say for now that Hayato’s love is not happy love. You can notice from memorandum so easily that he is suffering, so it’s something opposite.

3. Hayato Suffers Because of Love.

If I suspect that his despair that he is facing until LN v10 because of this issue, I will return to LN v8 that is the last point of his effort to win the one he love. If you don’t know about that, I recommend you to read this v8 (I will not recommend anime because important scenes were excluded to the point people can’t notice what happens at that time).


But if you want shortcut (but I think it’s longcut), I recommend you to read what he tries to do in

  • The TRUTH(s) behind Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hachiman (All Parts)
  • & The TRUTH(s) behind Hayama Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hikigaya Hachiman (All Parts) via this Bento Analysis page.

Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku ep4)Or if you want shortcut, I recommend Oregairu Analysis – The Conclusion of Yukinoshita Haruno’s Plan (Operation Fire Doughnut) & The TRUTH(s) behind Hayama Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hikigaya Hachiman (The Last Part). because I concluded how Hayato feels after his crush was not interested in him although he had tried so much.


At this point, I will think you would read LN v8 already and grasped Hayato’s suffering because of love too. So I will conclude more that Hayato is suffering because he tried to make Haruno interested in him, instead of his love rival, Hachiman.

But Haruno was the only one who finally understood his wish and ill intentions (used everyone include herself for his own sake) but it was too late, she ended up hurt Yukino, that it is unforgivable for Haruno because Hayato used her to confront her younger sister so he will not need to participate the student council president election and he didn’t need to refuse Yukino and Yuigahama’s request (he was too scared to refuse their expectations). That’s why Haruno gave him one answer that made him fall into the despair, or should I say, rejected his love.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku ep4)

This is short story of his love and despair.

4. But I Faced a Big Problem.

What I need to do next is to check the answer, to find out if this issue is consistent with the second memorandum or not. Unluckily, as I mentioned earlier, it’s not consistent (then why do I need to explain this issue if it’s not the correct answer?). I mean, this is what I “thought”. When I reviewed memorandum, this quote below  is the one that is not consistent with the love and the despair of Hayato.

All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.

I thought I kinda understood the second sentence a bit but I had no clue about the first sentence. I were so confused about this wish. If I couldn’t get this, I couldn’t conclude that the love issue is the right choice. From the quote above, if Hayato is suffering because of Haruno’s rejection, I didn’t know why he wants is “was to blame himself by way of the truth” despite he is blaming himself in the memorandum. If he wants to blame himself, I didn’t see why he thinks his wish is so difficult to do.

So I started to think that my assumption (love issue) might be wrong, or I missed something important, such as other characters he mentions in the memorandum or any clue in LN v10, or maybe I misinterpreted. Or because I saw him as something that is no l*nger hum@n since what he did during double date (that I explained as the multidimensional plan of Hayato) is too unbelievable. For someone who could do anything secretly for his own desire, even manipulated everyone while no one could notice his intentions and they . And the moment I realized reasons why he did all those. These are reasons why I could not understand him in this memorandum. Since his desire is a few, but what he wants after this issue can be anything.

Yukihira Soma & Todokoro Megumi cooks Char Okakiage. (Shokugeki no Soma ep8)

Pit stop

Despite I still had this problem, I was sure that Hayato is planning to do something, and he needs a certain person to achieve his goal that is related to his love issue. So I thought that characters that get involved in 2nd memorandum, are Haruno and Hachiman.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) understands why her little sister, Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃) ended here. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 anime ep 10)

So I had no choice but to try many assumptions. I will not explain those methods because my super TL post right now will be super gigantic extremely galaxy TL post (and another reasons I will not explain is because I forgot some already). That’s why I will skip to explain the assumption that solved this problem.

5. This Assumption will Solve that Problem and Its reliability.

I reviewed memorandum again and threw my assumption to these quotes.

e) That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.

f) Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.

g) It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.

Previously, I thought “that person” in quote e) would be the one Hayato suffers because this person didn’t do as quote f) & g) said. That means this person who was sensitive to the evils of people, looked at things that were close to him and saw right through everything, never looked at Hayato. That’s why he hurts as quote q) said. This was what I interpreted earlier and didn’t suspect anything, because this incident happened for real.

Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) tells Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) that he is not nice guy like he thinks. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 ep 7)

However, since I got struck in this moment, I ended up misinterpreted three quotes above as the result. So I will suppose that [Hayato’s suffering in quote f) & g)] are not related to [that person in quote e)]…, got it?

So it means that if it’s like I supposed, I will suppose more that there’s another person who did as quote f) said. And this person’s actions caused the painful experience to Hayato as he said in quote g)…

Person A is that person who is like Hayato’s hope

e) That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.

Person B is another one who is like Hayato’s despair

f) Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.

g) It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.

Who is his hope and who is his despair? I think you’d know already. Yes, I supposed that Hachiman is Hayato’s hope and Haruno is his despair since Haruno rejected him as I explained above. So Hachiman who is so sensitive to evils of people and is the only one who he is expecting, must be Hayato’s hope (like when Hachiman was his hope for his multidimensional plan during the double date). When Hachiman’s habit and Hayato’s expectation toward Hachiman during the marathon are consistent with quote e), I have no reason to refuse that Hachiman is “that person” in this quote.

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If my assumptions are true, then there’re Hayato, Hachiman and Haruno in the second memorandum. However, despite I think Hachiman is in quote e) and Haruno is quote f) & g), it doesn’t mean that this assumption is the only one right answer. Because if I interpret another point of view, it’s also possible that Hachiman is the only one Hayato mentioned in quote e)-g). Because I will not estimate the inferiority complex of Hayato toward his love rival. Since whenever he fell into the situations that made him compare himself and Hachiman, Hayato couldn’t stop himself even if Hachiman didn’t do anything wrong. So we can interpret to these two meanings.

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However, I still believe that my assumption (Hachiman is his hope, Haruno is his despair) is more weighty than the second although we can interpret to two meaning. Because my first assumption helps me find the reason why the love issue is not consistent with the memorandum. It’s because I didn’t know what Hayato wants in this quote, also I didn’t know who” he wants to blame him.

All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.

What? Who? I can say that with my first assumption (Hachi is hope and Haru is despair), I finally understand the hopeless desire of Hayato. And when I realize his wish, it’s hard to believe that he feels like that and wants something like that. My analysis about this memorandum (old version) is very shallow. And I think I start to predict how Hayato will feel if his  soundly but voiceless plan this time fail in the end of Oregairu story although it seems that his silent plan is successful inaudibly in LN v11 and it is going well in LN v12 (and might be LN v13 too) and his actions is one of reasons Haruno says that Hachiman is so boring and she is drunk later.

6. Check The Last Consistent

After I found the consistent between the love issue and memorandum, I checked my understanding with the memorandum and found out another consistent that confirms my analysis. I will pick 4 quotes to make you see the consistent easier.

For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.

All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of  altruistic self-interest to be seen through.

Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.

It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.

If you look at these marked words in each sentences, you will start to see their connection. How Hayato feels if he is in the despair because of Haruno and expects Hachiman to do something so the second quote will come true… The author selected indirect words to cover true meanings.

Despair and Hope

Now I will tell Hayato’s story in this memorandum that can explain the secret meaning in his words during the marathon, the big trouble of Haruno and will predict what will happen in LN v13-14.

There was something I came to notice as I continued reading.

To be more specific, it was that I had gone back to the beginning.

There are many things Hayato gains while he is reading books.

  • to find the answer for his problem and for his own selfishness but there’s no books that can give him the good reference.
  • or he realizes that although he had tried his best to seize Haruno’s heart, he ended up at the same point.
  • or he is aware of his own true nature after understood characters in books, but he doesn’t intend to change himself or self-improvement.

No matter what something is, I prompt you about Hayato’s suffer after the double date that I wrote above first. In LN v8,

  1. After he was called by Haruno to come to the donut cafe, he rushed to that place with pleasure. 
  2. However, his hope started to become the disappointment. Because Haruno is with two strangers and his love rival (!?). The next nightmare comes when Haruno “forced” him to hang out with complete strangers. When he asked her why Hachiman was there too, Haruno told him the reason indirectly that made him depressed more. ♣
  3. And as if all of these were not enough, he tried to tell her that he couldn’t do this. However, she was not interested in his groan, on the other hand, she rejected his feeling toward her. ♠
  4. At the same time, he witnessed she acted differently toward his love rival (intentionally), this activated something in his head. Haruno’s rejection and this complex would be the causes that made Hayato decide to “do something”.

    To read full detail, you can explore these two analysis, the first one focused on Hayato’s point of view, the second focused on Haruno’s.
    Oregairu Analysis – The TRUTH(s) behind Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hachiman (Part 1)
    Oregairu Analysis – And Then, Haruno Launched Operation Fire Doughnut! (Part 3)


  5. Then he “bent” the double date and pulled every necessary characters so he will not get more trouble because of this date and make a heroic drama so he can be brave in front of Haruno’s eyes by using everyone so he could be the brave knight/someone she likes. Also he could solve “another problem” that 2YY were expecting him to be by using his crush.


    How to pull Hachiman and Haruno at the same time.
    How to boil his love rival for his own scheme by using Orimoto and Nakamachi.
    How to be the brave one in front of Haruno and suffer his love rival in one go.
    How to lure Yukino and Yuigahama to stop problem that they were going to give him.
    ps. prepare yourself before click.


  6. But after Haruno watched his comedy show and realized why Yukino was there, she finally realized everything, along with his wish toward her and his ill intentions. Therefore, this plan of him destroyed her wish at the same time. All of these caused her to reject him at the third time permanently because she finally understood his true nature completely.


    To understand
    The painful feeling of Haruno when she is stopping her sister.
    How Haruno understood the true nature of Hayatoher final answer. and his despair.
    Ps. Therefore, if you read these two analysis, you will know why Haruno said someone ruined her parade.


  7. However, it seems he focused in what he wanted only and didn’t realize that he hurt her and destroyed what she wants. The only thing he knew is she rejected him and didn’t look at him despite of his maximum effort (his multidimensional plan and this perfect brave show).

These novels certainly did feel similar to me. They even made me think that they were close to my true nature, or perhaps, my disposition that could very well be called malignant.

No matter the literary master, no matter the masterpiece, they weren’t close at all.

For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.

After Hayato was rejected by his crush again, as I explained, because he still wants to find the solution and for his own sake, he tried to find in books to search for any character who has the same/similar true nature and situation/problem as him. Because he couldn’t find the answer by himself. However, even if he can find many books that provides similar characters like him, but when he needs to find those characters who faced the similar problem as him, no any books can give this request.

And the third quote above is his problems that are the causes of his suffering/despair. 

For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.

If you want to know why he suffers like that, you can read my explanation about what he done in LN v8 above again. And I will “convert” this quote so we can see the consistent of this quote with his suffering.

  1. Look at the first sentence above, the author used indirect words to cover the meaning of this sentence. to address you, to sympathized you. So to convert them, please look at these words, “be something entirely different. So it means that Hayato’s despair is opposite with underlined sentence…
    the other party to have not addressed you, to have not sympathized with you
  2.  You can see that now they are consistent with “despair” because whatever Hayato doesn’t want, they must be something negative. And to understand the meaning of the first sentence or his hope, I need to combine with the truth that Hayato was rejected by Haruno and convert sentence again. Now the meaning of the first sentence is…

For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you
⇓ (the other party = Haruno)
For Haruno to have addressed him, to have sympathized with him.
⇓ (address = look at)
For Haruno to have “looked at” him, to have sympathized with him.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) decides to approach Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃) more. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime Ep 12)

I will tell you that “look at” doesn’t mean that Hayato wants Haruno look at him …normally, but

he wants her attention although he knows that she would admonish him, as long as she will see him, he is not interested she will blame/complain of his true nature. Then it means that, in the reality, she was not interested in him, not even look at him although he had tried his best to win her heart.

Another reason I interpreted like this because…

For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.

All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.

Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.

It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.

These quotes are sentences that I ever explained their consistent. If I look at the first highlighted words of each sentences, I finally come to the conclusion about one of his wishes.

He wants Haruno’s attention although he is aware of his true nature that is like malignant, he still wishes that although she will admonishes him, because he suffers because she looks at things that were so close to him (that can be other people around him or his surrounding), but it seems that she is not interested to look at him or even his (malignant) nature/habit.

And now we can understand how Hayato wants Haruno to sympathized with him. To know this another wish of Hayato, I will combine the same love issue of him and four quotes above again. So I need to look at the second highlighted words of each sentences, now I finally come to another conclusion about another wish of him.

But I have many words that need to solve before explain his two wishes and his despair.

“was to blame myself by way of the truth.” are symbolic or metaphoric words that means he wants himself to be blamed by someone with the truth. And “way of the truth” can be interpreted by using the next sentence of this second quote, or it can be interpreted as “the direct truth”. But no matter what it means, we can include as his own truth. And to be blamed, he needs someone to do that. And that person can’t be anyone except Haruno (who is the only one he wants her attention and sympathy). Yes, we can think Hayato wants another one, Hachiman to blame him because he is another one who is sensitive with evils. But that will not answer his wishes. And I don’t see why he wants another guy do something like that while he doesn’t want his crush to look at him. If I weigh these two choices, His crush outbalances his rival.

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“The farce of altruistic self-interest” is another symbolic or metaphoric words that Hayato is meaning himself or what he did for her, or maybe even what he did in the past. I think he is aware of himself so he knows well that he is a person who looks like he is selfless but every his actions are for his own selfishness only. Therefore, when he reviews his actions, he concludes about this that his life is the funny story, and if Haruno (who he wants her to understand him) knows about this story, he can imagine in advance that how she feels, but it is fine as long as he can gain her attention.

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Therefore, I suspect if “the things that were so close to me” and “everything else” that Hayato mentions in the fourth quote above, will hold direct meaning or not. Because this is his suffering because of the love issue that there are two people who got involved that I wrote earlier, that are Haruno and Hachiman.

So I think Hayato suffers because she is interested of his love rival while he didn’t get her attention except her elimination (aka Haruno’s fire doughnut) (that you can notice in LN v8 when she forced him to hang out with totally stranger intentionally). That’s why I will convert these two words “looking at the things that were so close to me” and “seeing right through everything else” that means be interested of Hachiman and understand many things about him, that are his nature/habit and actions.

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He wants Haruno’s attention and wishes she will sympathized him. However, it seems she didn’t do that.
All he wants is her condemnation because he is aware of his true nature that is like malignant that he always pretend to be selfless but every actions are for his own selfishness only.
Right now he can accept any punishments from her, as long as she will understand about him, everything he did and his suffering.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his suffering from his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she do as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different, that he returns to the beginning that might be the point before he has expectations to make that person be interested in him.

Next, I will decode quote b) & c) below.  Because I think their essences are also important and have connection like this.

a) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
b) Similarities and commonalities were exactly why discrepancies became apparent. They became distinct. Being so identical meant those differences wouldn’t be forgiven.
c) I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.

These three quotes have clear connection that made me decide to decode them together. Quote b) shows how Hayato repeats the difference between hope and despair over and over three times that shows how much he is suffering to gain something that are absolutely different from what he hoped. And his hopes are what are described in quote a).

Previously, I had no clue why Hayato thinks the differences wouldn’t be forgiven. And I didn’t understand about “what” he understood. So I think quote a) will give me the answers because it must connect with his effort and his multidimensional plan that he designed carefully to win Haruno’s heart in LN v8. Now, I will match red underlined words with red highlighted words, and match blue underlined words with blue highlighted words.

a) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
c) I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.

So I will use these two underlined words to explain these two highlighted words. 

He wants Haruno’s attention and wishes she will sympathized him. However, it seems she didn’t do that.
His expectations and her nonchalance are two things that are different downright that he ended up repeating between two things over and over that shows how much he is suffering after gained something that are so different from what he hoped.
The despair that is the punishment for him to dare to expect love from that person. For imagining that she will turn to him, and for hoping that she will finally understand him.

All he wants is her condemnation because he is aware of his true nature that is like malignant that he always pretend to be selfless but every actions are for his own selfishness only.
Right now he can accept any punishments from her, as long as she will understand about him, everything he did and his suffering.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his suffering from his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she do as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different, that he returns to the beginning that might be the point before he has expectations to make that person be interested in him.

However, although I will use quote a) as the reference or modifier to explain the meaning in quote c), it doesn’t mean that this experiment will be correct. Because we can interpret quote c) to anything.

Compared to the existence as described in “No Longer Human”, I was much more diminutive, cowardly, and vulgar. Dazai didn’t realize that he was plagued with a much paltrier problem.
Then, didn’t that make me less than something human? Didn’t that make me far more lonely and apprehensive than the tyrant king?
Further. To think I utilized influential literature for the sake of attaining answers to my own problems and for the sake of something so extremely selfish and personal made me disgusted with myself. Just how shallow, just how foolish, and just how unsightly I was. The reason why I picked out these books weren’t for purification or for my own growth..

One thing he gains by reading many books is comparing himself with characters in stories that let him know more about his true nature and his feelings after he is in despair by his own problems that makes him condemn himself again. However, despite he is aware of his true nature at the beginning, he has no any intention to improve himself (that is the only way to solve his problem because Haruno rejected him because of his true nature, because he wanted to established relationship with her and because he wants her to forget his mistake in the past (take back what he lost) in LN v8).

All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of  altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
With the eyes that looked this way from outside.

When he realized that he can’t hope her to do as he imagined in quote a), his hopes twist to the point he doesn’t mind if she will see his true nature and doesn’t mind how she will respond. And “the eyes that looked this way from outside.” means he wishes someone that will look at him and you would know who.

He wants Haruno’s attention and wishes she will sympathized him. However, it seems she didn’t do that.
His expectations and her nonchalance are two things that are different downright that he ended up repeating between two things over and over that shows how much he is suffering after gained something that are so different from what he hoped.
The despair that is the punishment for him to dare to expect love from that person. For imagining that she will turn to him, and for hoping that she will finally understand him.
All he wants right now is her condemnation and he hopes she will see through his inside story (try to be selfless but he is selfish).
Right now he can accept any punishments from her, he doesn’t mind she will see his nature and how she will respond. As long as she will turn to him and understand him, and everything he did and his suffering, it’s totally fine.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to look, and she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his suffering from his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she do as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different, that he returns to the beginning that might be the point before he has expectations to make that person be interested in him.

However, although he has new twisted desires, what to do next is how to make his wishes happen? Please don’t forget another person who got involved in this memorandum, his love rival. I will explain how to make change Haruno’s attention and attitude toward him, he needs to “do something”.

Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku ep4)

Hachiman: Huh?

That’s why I had expectations.
That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.

If you read LN v8 or my analysis about how he had expectations in his love rival to make him become the brave knight in front of his crush so she will be interested in him, you will understand how he used Hachiman to be the victim for his heroic show. So this time is not different. If Haruno is interested in his love rival, the only way to change this condition. But the problem is, how will he change her mind?

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) interests in Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) but doesn't care about Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人). (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 ep3)


This is how Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) will reply if he knows the truth. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 anime ep 11)Oregairu Analysis – Why Does Hayama Want Himself & Hachiman To Be Equal? And His “Silent Plan”.
To reach the answer, we need to consider his true nature, how he used people (especially, Hachiman), and how he always hides his true intention, I wrote about how he expects/use his love rival so Haruno will turn at him and understand him. I can say for now that “they” in quote above doesn’t mean other people but the only one who he wants her attention.


Therefore, that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, is not anyone more than his love rival, Hachiman.

That’s why I had expectations.
That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that guy, I thought, perhaps, she might find me. Perhaps she might see right through me.

So it will be like this. 

He wants Haruno’s attention and wishes she will sympathized him. However, it seems she didn’t do.
His expectations and her nonchalance are two things that are different downright that he ended up repeating between two things over and over that shows how much he is suffering after gained something that are so different from what he hoped.
The despair that is the punishment for him to dare to expect love from that person. For imagining that she will turn to him, and for hoping that she will finally understand him.
All he wants right now is her condemnation and he hopes she will see through his inside story.
Right now he can accept any punishments from her, he doesn’t mind she will see his nature and how she will respond. As long as she will turn to him and understand him, and everything he did and his suffering, it’s totally fine.
That’s why he expects that if it is that guy, perhaps he can make her look at him and start to understand him (who is as he described when he compared himself with two certain characters in books.)
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to look, and she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his suffering from his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she do as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different, that he returns to the beginning that might be the point before he has expectations to make that person be interested in him.

End.

 

Filter process is finish, the final result is…

Yes, the final answer or should I say, the owner of the first monologue is “Hayama “Hayato”, and one part of his story. So it means that although he doesn’t expect to gain love from her anymore, he still expects to gain her attention and sympathy even if she still hates him. That’s why he will use his rival. And in LN v11, I can say that “his silent plan” is giving the excellent result to him. Because it’s working like he is expecting and no one in the story notice it until now (LN v12).

But Haruno Would See Right Through Him Already.

Despite his wish is like this, after I read LN v10 and manga -Monologue- v11 the scene when Haruno asks Hachiman if he asked Hayama about his career path. Hachiman’s answer makes her review something and tell Hachiman that Hayama would expect something too. Hachiman doesn’t understand what she is saying so he asks her more. She tells him that…

 

“Something that will find him, maybe.”

From her answer, we can interpret her word to two significance.

  1. She means that Hayama is expecting something (that is her) will find him, the real him.
  2. Or she is meaning herself. She wants someone to find her.

Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?
If you have a chance to read my analysis about 3rd Memorandum, you will find which person is someone she wants to find the real her.



“Something that will find him, maybe.”
TL:
Hayama is expecting Haruno will find him.
Haruno is expecting “that person” will find her.

For 1), I think it is correct because it connects with Hayama’s feeling in this memorandum. However, personally, when I was watching the scene above and a picture in manga -Monologue- when she is telling this quote to Hachiman. That moment makes me want to believe that she is talking about “that person” too. Because it will connect with her wish in 3rd memorandum. Perfect!

I really think that if 1) & 2) are correct for real, I feel that this is …magnificent that I witness WW’s effort (and even mangaka of manga -Monologue-) link Hayama and Haruno’ feelings to this short but precious moment.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) thinks Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) wants something will find him. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku Oregairu Zoku My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。續 ep 11)

Then if 1) is correct, it means that she would know his wish already. When we consider what he did during the double date at that cafe in LN v8, his action made her get the final conclusion about the real him. Actually, her answer that she sent to him at that time is the conclusion that is easy to understand if she wants to look for, tries to understand him again or not.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Zoku ep4)

After this scene until LN v12, I never see her tries to know his thought again.

End!!

 

However, my final result and analysis might be right and wrong too so if you have any different opinion about this monologue, you can write in Comment below. If you have more notice that I don’t know before, please tell me too.

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Memorandum List

I pasted this list so you can explore all memorandums in Oregairu v10. Dozo!

Oregairu Analysis – 1st Memorandum: Possible, It’s That Person’s Monologue. [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.] - After filter and find keyword, it's possible that person is the owner of monologue in Oregairu LN v10.
Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it? [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.] - If we know who is the owner of the third memorandum, so many detail that you might never know about this person will appear. If so, just whose monologue was it?

Related Oregairu analysis you should not miss!


This analysis will let you know who is “Y” of Hayama Hayato. Who is that unlucky girl?


After you read analysis in this page and analysis about “Y” of Hayama, let me recommend you this analysis! Do you remember Hayama decides Hachiman to be his rival? These two analysis will give unbelievable clues why he dislikes Hachiman.

The second period of his suffering. Although he did his best to hide his true self, he feels disappointed that his rival never see right through him and still force image to him only.

If you want to know why Hayama doesn’t like Hachiman and try to compete with him, this analysis will give you clues.

If you wonder why Hayama told Hachiman he is nice guy like he thinks, you can read these analysis. When he faces big trouble, this is how he solves it.

To understand his suffering in this memorandum, what happened at that time is the cause.

After he got knowledge from his book, this is how he do things so that person can find him and see right through him. And it is going to work!

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8 thoughts on “Oregairu Analysis – 2nd Memorandum: Or, It Can Be This Person’s Monologue. [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.]

  1. Quentin Shiro says:

    Hello! Great work once again on noticing Hayato here. I could feel that Haruno, Hayama and Yukino suffer the same thing. A persona created by themselves to protect them from the nasty expectations of the outside world and there family. As far as I remembered Yukino’s family, mainly the Matriarch is far scary than Yukino, as per what Haruno said somewhere on the episode of season 1 where Yui and Hachiman went to a fireworks festival(It’s a festival but I forgot what it really is.) Also not to be harsh or something but some families put this unnecessary expectation to their children. Children on the other hand answers it with sometimes, ease. Knowing that they will be recognized by their own parents and praised because of their expectations. Haruno answering by being the perfect, beautiful, smart and answers the image that her family has to be (perfect). Yukino on the other hand feeling that the world has disowned her and even her family. CLINGS, to the ideal perfect human (her sister). Chases after her and later on learns that she wants something different from what Hachiman have and Haruno have. They have their fair share of masks that they have to keep up due to expectations and mostly, pressure brought forth by their own families. They want a person who could see through them, break them by POINTING OUT THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING ARE DISGUSTING AND WRONG. Hachiman can do this and could break their barrier. Although they know what they doing are mostly fallacy. They want confirmation and suggestion to what they can do at the very end. Also I felt that Hayato answers these expectations not because he want to, but he has to for the sake of his sanity. Sanity created being the helpful guy and fill the hole of his art. Not to the point of being helpful, but being to the point as being recognized as a good person. Not naturally, but at least ideally. (I’m sorry I just can’t create a nice essay about these answers are really flooding to my head right now and can’t really keep up that much. XD Sorry!) Again, thanks for the analysis! 🙂 Had fun reading it and till now, I have no assurance that it is Hayato. As it is really vague since I’ve read and watched it before. Thanks again! 😀 And also, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE OREGAIRU ZOKU PS VITA SCREENSHOT! Oh my goodness! Where did you get that?! I want it! XD My Haruno sense is tingling me since I saw it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • YahariBento says:

      Yes, I agree with you that Yukinoshita sisters and Hayato have masks/images to answer expectations and to survive in their world. They’re like security system.

      In Hayato’s case, I have a friend who answered expectations and I really really thought this friend is good/kind person until one day, I realize this is just illusion.

      I know your feeling about flood ideas are running in your head and can’t explain what you think easily. When I want to explain about this owner of this memorandum, I need to find in LN or I can’t explain it.

      For screenshot below, it’s from PS Vita game “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku”. I found this from 4chan. This screenshot made my eyes wide like duck eyes more than other screenshots. :3

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Quentin Shiro says:

    Well, as per I saw at a picture and said by someone, “A man has 3 faces, one for others, one for his loved ones and one for himself.” (it is something like that and it I think it is fit to are trio really well.)

    Then again, that picture is amazing, Hopefully we could get an English Version on the near future or as fast as possible. Also the First VN I want an english version of that! Currently I’ve been watching Dizzy Ziddy’s translated gameplay of the first VN and I’ve loved it. I know it is somewhat an adaptation of the Summer Camp on Chiba and the Summer in some Light Novel Volume. (Light Novel Volume 4 I guess) and I can’t help but to think that now there is a visual novel, manga there are many possibilities that at least one of them carries the clue to each problems and unanswered stuff.

    Wataru Watari after all is a Iroha/Hachiman type character. (Sly, cunning bastard.) :3

    Liked by 1 person

    • YahariBento says:

      I want Eng version for 2 VN but for the first VN, I think it’s impossible for us to see this Eng version in the 1st VN. For the 2nd VN, if there’re HIGH demand, then there’s possible to release Eng ver. in Zoku game.

      I didn’t play the 1st VN or watch in Youtube that much so I don’t know there’re any clues to unanswered stuff but I know there’re clues in manga so I hope there’re clues in VN too.

      I want to read LN from sly writer after all. It’s like challenge for me… maybe I’m sly reader too. ;d

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Leii Deer (@LeiiDeer21) says:

    “For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.”

    i think if the sentence basically will be paraphrased it will be a lot easier to understand..
    “Despair, is to be something (someone) entirely different from who you are just for others to address and sympathize with you.”
    i mean, his despair is that, he has to be someone a lot opposite to his true nature to gain acknowledgement and sympathy. what makes it his despair is the fact that he gained those using the other persona he made. what made it worst… nobody see through it and everyone is loving his other persona while he’s living suppressing his true self.

    I dont usually read to criticize, but the lines from the memo stirred me. i just finished the anime, i dont know if i can even find time to read the manga, but at some point you answered the things that made me confuse for being somewhat strange-their strange answers and visual representations. its even probably too late for this but blah~ blah~

    Liked by 1 person

    • YahariBento ( ^ v ') says:

      Thanks for reply. I think it’s up to us who will use “his own self” or “his own bitter love story” to interpret 2nd memorandum. So it’s very interesting to review his memorandum.

      I also agree with you because Hayama can live peacefully in the society because his personality. So although I never see him feel jealous of Hachiman, it’s normal if he suffers alone. If my memory is not wrong, I ever thought that he suffers because he can’t live as Hachiman do. But when I watched him talk with Hachiman in the party after marathon, I doubt if Hayama suffers because of that. Since it seems he is fine with that, I didn’t see any hint that he suffers from his own personality and people around him. But I can be wrong too.

      So I found another buddy who experienced the same thing. I was so confused after read this memorandum although I read it many times.

      Like

  4. Leii Deer (@LeiiDeer21) says:

    probably my opinion went a different point of view because I ended up more specific of the “,” (comma) from the line. at first i thought at some point it is offsetting.. but I just realized that the sentence is ambiguous itself.

    Liked by 1 person

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