Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?

After I decoded who is the owner of the third memorandum in Oregairu LN v10, I can’t believe I found the deepest and unbelievable story of this person as the bonus.

In “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru.LN v10, As I wrote before in 1st Memorandum and 2nd Memorandum. Watari-sensei wrote 3 Memorandum but didn’t reveal who are the owner of each monologues. This time, I will try analyze memorandum continue from the first. I ever mentioned in the second memorandum’s analysis that the second is the most difficult to analyze who is the owner. However, I start to think that it’s very hard to decode dialogues in the third memorandum. I mean… what the h**k s/he said in each speech, makes me feel confused, confused about who/what this person means. Maybe this memorandum is the last boss for me.

I read comments from sites that discussed about the owner. For my opinion, when v10 was released, I think I know who is the right answer. After read comments from those sites. Some comments said this is Yukino, Hayama, Haruno and Hachiman. However, like I said earlier I think “this person” should be the owner of the last monologue in v10, because some hints in this memorandum are what that person said clearly before, I hope you will remember s/he said/thought in LN and anime (Oregairu Zoku) before, but the real challenge for me is not find out who is the owner of this memorandum only. I challenge myself to understand what this person think in this memorandum.

ps.

  • Please read Attention page first, to let you understand that my all analysis are not 100% right.
  • Spoiler up ahead. And I recommend you to read/watch Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。), Oregairu (俺ガイル) LN/anime Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。続)/manga Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru. -Monologue- (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。-妄言録-) before proceed.
  • Some quotes in this post are TL from Kyakka, and the short story of Run Mel*s.

Filter possible answers (as usual).

In my two analysis (1st and 2nd memorandum), I searched for who has reading hobby. However, in this memorandum, I will not search for that. Because when I read this monologue, this person would read a book, however, I can’t find s/he read many books. What s/he does is shuts the book in hand only when s/he almost stop thinking about her/himself and some people who involve with her/his life. So what is next? I decided to cut some characters who should not be the owner of this monologue first. So I will search for some thoughts of this person.

I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.

Her/his thought tells me clearly that this person is always being relied on. It means positively that this person is reliable, some people rely on this person like it is normal. So I should search for characters who some people always rely on his/her.

OK, this is the survival list.

  • Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡) – Yup. He is in the service club and always try to solve problems that descend to this club. I admit sometimes, he relies on some people to help his job too. But I see many people comes to him to help their problems more than he relies on other people. So he will be in this list.
  • Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人) – He is super nice guy who reaches any expectation. Many people never hesitate to rely on him, because his nice guy aura is always shining (auto skill). He never say “NO” clearly, not even once.
  • Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) – In LN v3, manga Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru. @comic (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。@comic) v3, there’s a scene when Haruno (alone) attends in parties and meeting for family. (In v5, manga -Monologue- v4) She tells to Hachiman and Yui (during firework festival) that she attends this event instead of her father and she tells she was entrusted to attend these kind of jobs, while Yukino needs to stay in the house. This is her mother’s policy. (Wow! her mother entrusts her a lot, but please read more until the end she surely trusts her for real or not. At least maybe this is why Haruno knows Yukino doesn’t trust Hachiman. Her conclusion about her younger sister comes from her own direct experience, I guess.)
  • Hiratsuka Shizuka (平塚 静) – She is a teacher so it’s normal if students will rely on her. And since she is still young, yes, young, she is expected to direct students in Zobu, go to the school trips, or help in many activities. However, we see there is one time when some dark force from above orders her to do hard jobs (such as wedding planning event in ss1). So she is in this list.
  • Hikigaya Komachi (比企谷 小町) – Sometimes, Hachiman will call “Imouto service” near him to help him solve some problems, or consult some difficult problems if he can’t find the way to solve them. She accepts every requests from his older brother. Such as moderator. Not only his brother, there are many characters need her help. She listens to Kawasaki Taishi’s problem. She accepts Yukino, Yui and Hiratsuka-sensei’s requests to set traps be personal secretary for Hachiman in many events.
  • Kawasaki Saki (川崎 沙希) – Finally I can have a chance to write about her in my analysis. She is the oldest sister who has younger brother and sister. She cooks and takes care of her siblings. Sometimes, Hachiman sees her pick her sister once. And when her sister (I forgot her name) wants to make chocolate, she comes to the service club to consult this problem to Hachiman, Yukino and Yui, because she never make desserts before. We can see her younger sister relies on her (it’s normal because she is still a little kid.).

Then why are these people not in the list? Some people rely on them too.

transformation into a monster of reliance.

This owner of this monologue thinks s/he is being relied on because of listening to the sweet whispers of devil, bring this person transform into the monster of reliance. It means that the percentage of some people rely on this person, is far more than when this person relies on other people. If you read this memorandum, I can tell you that this person is suffering because s/he is being relied on too much. Something s/he doesn’t want to be, but be already.

  • Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃) – Many times people rely on her to clear/solve hard jobs (cooking, tennis battle, do hard jobs as Sagami Minami’s request, blow Tamanawa away). However, there are many times she relies on other people too (Rumi’s case (she can’t find how to solve Rumi’s problem.), Tobe’s love confession (she believes Hachiman can solve this), tries to meet Hayama to convince him to be the school president, wants Hachiman’s help when her mother expects her to attend family reunion).
  • Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (材木座 義輝) – He relies on people in the service club many times, but Hachiman needs his help many time too (such as during when search for where Kawasaki is working, sport event, twitter accounts). I think it’s about 50/50. And I don’t see he suffers doing that.
  • Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜) – She is the same as Zaimokuza’s. Sometimes people needs her help (accepts Hachiman’s request and helps design sport festival in the new look) and sometimes she needs someone’s help too (consults with the trio to stop Tobe’s confession.). Her case is about 50/50.
  • Tobe Kakeru (戸部 翔) – The only one I remember who rely on this character is Isshiki Iroha. She needs his help many times (shopping, arranging the room). However, we see he relies on his friend, Hayama many times more than people rely on him. And I don’t think helping his kouhai once in a while, will make him suffer so much.

So what is next? The next bubble thought of this person that can help me decrease the size of the survival list?

It’s when you came to realize your own evil that you become desperate to suppress it. In masking it away, others saw it as the truth, and eventually, it became something natural to you that it turned into the truth itself.

With this bubble thought, Hayama and Haruno will survive in this round. Eh? Then, why are these characters below not in the next round?

  • Hachiman – He is a loner who says many times he is fine to be the loner. But in deep depth, he mentioned he wants real friend(s) and expects to reach love relationship with some girl some day. His loner mask makes me really think it is so natural to everyone to see he is loner. However, if he wants to has genuine relationships like that, then I don’t think his expectation is evil at all.
  • Hiratsuka-sensei – In manga -Monologue-, I see she needs to wear her mask in many occasions. I’m not surprised since she is an adult and has career that needs to talk with many people, and she has her own social (among friends). Moreover, there are many times she gets it off her chest (especially while she is drinking). And when she did that, she vents her own stress like shotgun. If people see her in two versions clearly like this, I need to count her out. sorry, sensei.
  • Komachi – I think she has her own Imouto & cute masks so she can be friendly with everyone. When she needs Hachiman’s help, she will wear Imouto mask to make him do everything for her. But when she needs to rely on other people, she will switch with cute mask so they will be kind to her. And I feel she likes switching those masks too. So I don’t think she will suffer from wearing masks.
  • Kawasaki – I think she has her own mask too. She acts like cool, loner girl, creates AT-field and everyone don’t want to come near her. But when she is with her family, her mask drops to the floor and the kind sister was revealed. With this, it means she doesn’t wear mask all time. So she will not survive to the next round.

Who will be the last survivor?

“Genuine” can give us the answer.

I think Hayama and Haruno have a lot in common. They have perfect/nice mask so their shinning outer appearance make other people around them believe they are nice, perfect and sociable. Moreover, …

  • Hayama lives up to everyone’s expectation.
  • Haruno was expected to be the perfect daughter for the sake of family/her mother’s expectation.

Who will be fit to be the owner of this monologue? Actually, if I bring the result of the owner of the second monologue, I would decide the last survival immediately. But I want to type my keyboard more, so please be patient with me.

The next bubble thought I will pick to look for the last survival, should be this!

Do genuine things really exist?

When I read this speech, I remember immediately who said this. And I read from a comment in my blog that Yukino ever doubt what Hachiman means (genuine) too. However, Yukino is out from the list, so this person should be the owner of this monologue. This person ever doubt about what Hachiman mentioned before about the genuine, and s/he doubt about it more than anyone because s/he mentioned about this two times (LN v10 last ch – v11). If I need to count this time in this memorandum too, this would be the third time.

The Evil Tyrant King

Along the way, I began to sympathize with the evil tyrant king.

I will conclude this person’s thoughts when s/he thinks while picking a character in Run Mel*s. Evil tyrant king never trust people because he never doubt that the main character in this story will sacrifice his friend, in order to survive. But the ending this king sees is different from what he believes completely. The owner of this monologue knows the ending of this story, so it means s/he finish reading this short story. However, this person still doubt that “the actual end” and mentioned more that this character said that…

“The heart of man is not to be relied on.”

Before I will write this analysis, I and some readers agree that the evil tyrant king would be Hachiman, because his point of view about humans is not so positively. And we will see this tyrant king was written near these sentences.

That’s why, perhaps, I had been waiting for that person who could surely see right through me.

Along the way, I began to sympathize with the evil tyrant king.

These sentences was written like this and made I misunderstood that

that person who could surely see blah blah blah = the evil tyrant king = Hachiman.

But it is not like we think. I will tell you that this person doesn’t compare the evil tyrant king to anyone after all. This person inserts her/his own thoughts to this character..

Why am I sure it is like that? OK. I will explain.

This person doubts how the final end of that story should be, but it’s not like that. This person doesn’t doubt how the ending of the evil tyrant king of Run Mel*s should be too. S/He just use this character (who is similar to this person about doesn’t trust people’s hearts) and mixes her/his own doubt to the character. Moreover, if you read Run Mel*s, you will know the conclusion of the evil tyrant king. So I assume this person doubts very much that the heart of man can be relied on or not.

And if you read her/his thoughts more beyond this, you will see this person’s doubt looks like whirlpool, or s/he is lost in the labyrinth. Because s/he doubts why the tyrant king, until this day, still not trust the existence of that truth and that sincerity, in many directions. This person is the one who insert her/his own doubt into this character. So it’s this person her/himself, who doubts the heart of man has the potential to be relied on or not, not the evil tyrant king and Hachiman.

I wrote earlier that this person doubts about “genuine” two times. I will explain how this person talks about this topic.

  • V10, this person appoints Hachiman to “check answer” about Yukino’s career path. After s/he done talking about this, this person started to talk about Yukino trusts him so much, but that is not trust. Something even this person tries to look for the suitable word but doesn’t know what it is. And later, this person looks at the sky and doubts that genuine things is really exist or not.
  • V11, because this person realizes that Hachiman, Yukino and Yui are playing in the love triangle world, S/he decides to talk with them about this, and asks him that this is “genuine” he mentioned. This person realizes what they are doing right now, it has no genuine or the sincerity. That’s why this person is angry to Hachiman (who wants genuine) and Yui (who promised before she will never abandon Yukino.)

This person doubts the genuine is really exist or not. But I am the one who doubt more the reasons why this person doubts about this. And it seems this person doubt very much, more than other characters. You can see from the third memorandum, this person think about this question after s/he finish reviewing her/his own dark life.

A clue outside memorandum

In LN v10 last ch (it’s the ch after the third memorandum), a person mutters that s/he wonders if genuine things really exist… Hachiman who heard this person’s words, thinks that the person before him had doubts, doubts as to whether truth or sincerity really existed.

Hidden Keyword – “The sun”

With these two events, I will let you decide Haruno or Hayama is the one who doubts “genuine”, in memorandum and other scenes. However, for my opinion, with all analysis above, I am sure who is the owner of this monologue. Because like I wrote in two memorandum analysis, Watari-sensei gave hidden keywords that can point who is the owner of each memorandums. In this memorandum, after this person shuts the book, s/he looks outside the window.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃), another loner and the symbol of sunset. (Oregairu Zoku opening)

In order to escape from manipulation by her family, she will always be alone.

The sun had already sunk far past the horizon.

This person’s name has the same meaning as this keyword. If you don’t know, you can search for the meaning of Hayama and Haruno’s name. Yes, the final result of this analysis is…

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃)!

Yukinoshita Haruno looks for Hikigaya Hachiman. (Oregairu Zoku ep10)

WHAT!!

Haruno’s the way of life until now?

Well, I got “the last survivor” but why I need to end this analysis immediately if I still have more stuff to write? You can skip this, but I will analyze Haruno’s profile via many characters and place of Run Mel*s. If it’s not her, the detail in this memorandum would not be consistent. But if it’s her, everything in this memorandum will explain about “her true profile”. My explanation might not absolutely clear, but we will almost reach her real life just a little bit. And I will write this to test the final result, and this is another challenge for me.

You can skip this, you know.

Shepherd

Long ago, I felt I had a connection with the shepherd of the village.

Justice, sincerity, and love. But when I think about them, they’re worthless. Everything about them was absolutely laughable.

ps. Shepherd in Run Mel*s is people who owns and takes care sheep. Mel* is a shepherd from an outlying village.

This is what I think earlier.

When I read these lines above, I am sure and agree with many readers in communities and sites, that Haruno is talking about Hayama Hayato, who is like her younger brother and always hang out together with her and Yukino. He is always nice, smile, kind kid. Never even once, he will do something bad to her or her sister. But she realizes later that everything about him is not like she always believes or trusts (maybe she realizes when Yukino was bullied in the school). Hayama would not do anything until the bullying rises in peak. His decision to save himself to the safety place, too scared to save Yukino and watched her falls into the black hole, is enough for Haruno to not trust in him anymore. Justice, sincerity and love in him are worthless and absolutely laughable.


Why does Haruno hate Hayama?

You can read Haruno’s operation fire doughnut part 3, because what she did to Hayama in the doughnut cafe, explains her true feeling very well.


He is like the shepherd boy who tells lies to people, pretends to do his job for people. Hayama tries to be nice boy to get attention from her, Yukino and their families.

However, it’s possible that maybe, what I thought above, is just misunderstanding. I might misunderstood about the word “Shepherd” and thinks this is Hayama. If does this word not referred to him? When I read this memorandum over and over, I started to think that maybe Haruno might not refer to him at all. What she is suffering via her own monologue is only one matter. The only thing that makes her suffer the most, and until now (LN v10). guess what/who?

My new assumption!

I will re-analyze four pink colored lines above! I took my time to read Run Me*s to look for the meaning of Shepherd that Haruno means. In Mel*s’s thought, he always think his life as the shepherd is the symbol of family/home. He owns sheep and takes care of them with his family (his sister) and lives together with good villagers. When he gives up to keep his promise, he hopes his sister and her husband will not throw him away if he can’t keep promise to his friend who was captured because of him.

This place will always be your home, baa~.

So let me conclude about “Shepherd” Haruno feels she has the connection with shepherd, she might mean either “her family” or “a family member (her mother)”.

If Shepherd in Haruno’s head means her family or a family member (her mother) she feels she has the connection with, I will continue to analyze this. I really don’t know it’s family or just a person who has connection with her, but I feel that in her past or when she is still a little kid, the relationship between her and this person or family is full of good things (Justice, sincerity, and love) in her eyes. It’s not surprised if a child will think positively toward her family or mother and father. Child will love them and wants love from family in return. I never doubt if Haruno loves her family and her mother, wants to be good kid so she will gain love from them. In her eyes back then, she sees her family or the one she loves (her mother) is everything for her.

However, if I want to choose it’s her family or just a one person, I would choose her mother (that’s right, that beautiful mother in Kimono clothes). Because when Haruno mentioned about justice, sincerity, and love, I think I can’t imagine to think a family will has justice or sincerity. But if “Shepherd” in Haruno’s thought, is her mother, it will be more consistent. I mean… if it means a person who has justice and sincerity, this should be more right than a family has justice and sincerity. So I will conclude again that shepherd of Haruno is her mother.

Mrs. Yukinoshita comes to pick Yukinoshita Haruno & Hayama Hayato to New Year family reunion. (Oregairu Zoku ep 10)

The true meaning of Haruno’s Shepherd.

So what’s next? If I think her mother is shepherd of Haruno, I will analyze more that Haruno would see her mother has justice, sincerity, and love to her. She wishes well for her daughters and that’s why Haruno feels the connection with this person. I will not be surprised if Haruno will believe and trust her mother, who she thinks this person will always has justice, sincerity, and love to her completely. But right now, when she looks back to her own past, she feels depressed or disappointed when she thinks about her mother. It’s worthless and absolutely laughable. So it means everything she believed or trusted in this person, is different completely from the reality. I don’t know until now Haruno still loves her mother or not, but what I am sure is, she would not feel she has the connection (the parent-child relationship) with her mother anymore, or still feels she has connection, but the connection might be something different (not something like justice, sincerity, and love).

I just want your love, just that…

That’s why Haruno thinks it’s laughable, because what she trusts/believe, since she is still a kid (she said “long ago”), is not true. She feels she was betrayed by her own belief. I suspect her mother would be strict, scary a bit (In LN v10, Yukino tells Hachiman and Yui that her sister teased her and Hayama so much when they played outside, so I will imagine that Haruno is naughty kid.), but loves her from the bottom of her heart, just like a mother loves her kid.

The birth of the monster of reliance

Every time I had that feeling, there were sudden echoes.

I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.

Lending my ears to those words that I thought to be the sweet whispers of a devil brought my gradual transformation into a monster of reliance.

As I wrote earlier that, Haruno would love her mother, and I believe that her mother would love her too. So Haruno would try to do as her mother said, such as to be a good kid. I think she is the type that will response to her mother’s expectation. And her mother who has daughters, would wishes Haruno will has good future. That’s why her mother would plan or even control almost everything around her so she will reach that goal. And elite family like Yukinoshita, that has wealth and power more than any families in Chiba, every family members would live in high status.

So Haruno, as the oldest daughter of elite family, must learn how to be a good/perfect/kid so she will grow up to has the proper dignity and lives to be the heir of the family as her mother planned. For her mother’s opinion, this route is the best path she can design for her beloved daughter.


The real feeling of Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃). (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 ep 9)To be the perfect heir of elite family, means her family would give the precedence to that person. In case of Haruno, her mother would overemphasize her too much. And the another one will not get that much. This is unbalance situation that is making Yukinoshita sisters suffer until now. To read more detail, see in Oregairu Analysis – ” “When” Yukinoshita Haruno Decides to Help Yukino.”


For the sake of my daughters, I will do anything! (Clench fist)

That’s why when I wrote that Haruno doesn’t think her mother ever gave any justice, sincerity, and love to her, and for this section, I assume Haruno was learned to be the perfect kid, at first, she would do as her mother said, because she loves her mother. But later, when she is grow up enough, she started to doubt that her mother just want to use her for the sake of family.

That’s why this is how Haruno lends her ears to those words that she thought to be the sweet whispers of a devil (her mother), this happened over and over (I’m being relied on. I’m being relied on.) until she gradual transformation into a monster of reliance (marionette of her mother). Pull strings that connect with her body parts and moves as her mother’s fingers move. You can see Haruno admits the reality and end up follow her mother’s policy.

Do you remember when Haruno meets Hachiman and Yui in the firework festival? (LN v5, ss1 ep9, manga monologue v4) She tells them that she, the older sister should attend to events and mentioned that her mother is scarier than her. She tells more that her mother will be the one who will get people to do what she wants, so her daughters end up following her.

Yukinoshita Haruno tells Hikigaya Hachiman that her mother will decide everything and make people obey her. (Oregairu ep 9)

I assume that the reason her mother tries to manipulate everyone to do as she expects, is because to control environment around her and her family to be peaceful (in her mind). If she can control everyone, she can control everything.


I already wrote about the manipulation within Yukinoshita family in this Oregairu analysis – And Then, Yukinoshita Haruno Launched Operation Fire Doughnut! (Part 5). I will not explain more than this. However, in this monologue, whenever Haruno thinks about this bitter memories within her family (or in her case, her mother).


“The sudden echo” would be Haruno’s memories about her mother’s manipulation toward her. And that is how she is being relied on. She needs to do as her mother’s expectation until she concludes that her mother would not love or care for her, because how she controls her like marionette, is too much. I am sure that Haruno hates how her mother controls her like that but can’t disobey her.

Why can Haruno not refuse her mother?

I am not sure either, but if I need to say, I think it’s because of “fear“. When Haruno tells that her mother is scary over and over, I analyze that she tells us the truth. She is marionette of her mother, and she understood that her mother is manipulating her until now. Haruno is an ordinary human who has emotions, so her own evil (the fear, the hated, the despair) because of her beloved mother, would not be different from other humans. But like I said, Haruno is afraid of her mother (who can control her), so she needs to suppress her own feeling so her mother will not know what she feels.


Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃) laughes to hide her true feeling. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 anime ep 12)

although she is not like that.

Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃)'s word hides her true feeling. (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabukome wa Machigatte Iru. Oregairu My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, as I Expected. My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。 俺ガイル 果然我的青春戀愛喜劇搞錯了。 anime ep 12)The first sign she is afraid of her mother would be during the firework festival. But that time she didn’t show her phobia clearly. However, during the cultural festival, she showed her own fear when she saw “that person” is asking her for help. Asking help from her makes Haruno see “her mother” in that person. If you want to know what I mean, you can read more in Oregairu Analysis – “After” Yukinoshita Haruno Decides to Help Yukino. (The Last Part).


In order to suppress her negative feeling, she needs to has pleasant personality and good human relation. So her mother, who manipulate her life, will not know her feeling. That’s why the perfect mask was created.

 The perfect daughter + suppress her own negative feeling = the perfect mask.

Unluckily, Haruno used this mask too often, or should I say, try to follow her mother’s policy and suppress her feeling too much. People around her would think she is perfect, has pleasant personality, and see this outer appearance as the truth of Haruno. If her mask is not the truth, I assume Haruno doesn’t want to wear this mask, but her fear stops her from removing it. It becomes that people misunderstood about her.

This is how Haruno lives.

The lost lamb in the labyrinth.

I was thrown into an endless loop of doubt as to whether if that’s really all. I could no longer make the distinction on my own.

And you see how Haruno lives as the marionette of her mother for the sake of love. She doesn’t like this way of life but can’t do anything because of her own fear. When someone feels s/he was trap in the labyrinth and can’t find the exit, you will know how she is in the whirlpool of despair. With this bubble thought above, Haruno is in the dark hole and doesn’t know how to climb up out of there, and ends up sit there and doubts this is the end/conclusion of her life?

It seems she doubts over and over, doubt too much about her mother (and maybe people around her too) until she is lost in her own thought. Bubble thought above tells me about her situation right now. She was trap because she trusts/loves her mother with all her heart but she was manipulated by the one she loves in return. (You can laugh if you want, but while I’m analyzing about her, I feel there’s something heavy in my stomach.)

The Only “Hope”

That’s why, perhaps, I had been waiting for that person who could surely see right through me.

Haruno’s despair is not over yet! I already explained she falls into the hole of despair because of Shepherd and how she suppresses her own negative feeling. But her suffering still continue because no one know about her true self (she tries her best for her loved one) or her despair. The next arc of her suffering is no one try to understand the unbelievable stupid life of her. So with this bubble thought, it seems she hopes “that person who could surely see right through her” will realizes her true self, her despair in her own life, or to be the light that shines to the bottom of the despair.

So let’s search for the holy grail that person! The one Haruno sees as her light/hope, who will save the princess by climbing up the tower or save her from a certain Kappa or a certain witch. I will list the characters who can see right through her (see right through her only) first. There are four characters.

  1. Yukino – She ever explained to Hachiman about Haruno’s perfect mask (LN v3). She added more that her sister always follow her father to attend parties, meetings because her personality is suit for these kind of events.
  2. Hayama – He is like Haruno’s younger brother who knows about her perfect mask and her coldness. He knows Haruno’s true intention when she is launching secret plans (Sagami’s case and operation fire doughnut).
  3. Hiratsuka-sensei – This teacher understood about Haruno very well, she ever discussed with Hachiman about her and Yukino. Haruno knows Hiratsuka-sensei can see right through her and cares for her. That’s why she addresses her as “her friend” and calls her “Shizuka-chan”.
  4. Hachiman – In LN v3, Haruno can sense he is alert by “her scanning”. And after secret test, she realizes this boy is sensitive when she whispers to his ear while opens her perfect mask slightly. He can explain about her perfect mask to Yukino in detail.

    Talk about Haruno’s scanning, if you don’t get what I mean, you can read in Oregairu Analysis – When Yukinoshita Haruno Also Gazes into Hachiman. There you will find out how she scan him at the first meeting.


The next question is, who is the only hope of Haruno? With the bubble thought above, she thinks about “that person”, so it means there’s only one person only. So I will analyze who should be the light/hope she is waiting for.

  • Let me count Yukino and Hayama out of this. Why? Because if that person is Yukino or Hayama, Haruno’s situation should be better for a long time.
    • In case of Yukino, because of her mother’s policy, Yukino feels inferior to her (she needs to live in standby mode while her sister needs to work outside), she would not realize Haruno’s suffering because of Shepherd. But please don’t misunderstand. I never think Yukino has no any potential to save her sister. Actually, I already believed Yukino will
      • be the one who can save Haruno’s problem.
      • or gives Haruno courage to convince their mother together, to say what is in their minds to their mother. (Actually, I think this choice would be better.) I just want to say Haruno doesn’t hope her sister will realize her suffering because of her mother. Because Haruno understood her sister feels inferior to her because of their mother’s policy (and even Haruno’s overwhelming perfect older sister image).Yukinoshita Yukino is trying to not her inner self will be opposed. (Oregairu Zoku ep 8)
        That’s why Haruno accepts the truth and ends up can’t hope her sister will be “that person”. She just can’t seek help from her sister who keeps distant from her already, that’s all.
    • And in case of Hayama, I don’t know he realizes Haruno’s suffering or not. But he is the type that intends to maintain the status quo. So although he knows her despair, you can guess he will do something to save her or not.

      Moreover, I suspect Hayama hopes Haruno’s situation will continue. He is the type that likes to be in the safe/comfy zone. He will not oppose people so the comfy zone will not be destroyed. If you are curious about him, you can read in Oregairu Analysis – 2nd Memorandum: Or, It Can Be This Person’s Monologue.


    • Hayama Hayato likes comfy zone Hikigaya Hachiman provided. (Oregairu Zoku ep 12)

And I bet you would like it too.

If Haruno still can’t tell her mother about the situation between them, she will end up do as she orders forever. And with her mother’s desire to expect Yukinoshita and Hayama’s families will have everlasting relationships, it’s possible that she will offer Haruno to achieve that goal. If my analysis about “Y” of Hayama is true, he can just sit and wait until her mother will let both of them get married. Happy Ending!!

  • In case of Hiratsuka-sensei, I think she is like …a support character. Watari-sensei wrote her role to give “precious advice” to Hachiman (anime zoku ep8), the main character about understanding someone (Yukino) and hurting other people. So I don’t see how she will be the one who will reach Haruno by herself. Her disciple should be the one who take this role.Hiratsuka Shizuka passes down the final technique to Hikigaya Hachiman. (Oreegairu ep 2)

Pass down the final technique.

  • Hachiman is the one I think he is “that person” Haruno thinks of. Why? Because of Hiratsuka-sensei too. Eh? Why? OK. Let me explain. She already gave him the final technique the courage to confront people he cares for. And we sees he can do well when he confronts Yukino and Yui in the service club. In order to understand people, and hurt them to achieve genuine. I feel he will get the role to understand Haruno and Yukino and hurts them necessary but indirectly, so both of them will have the chance to climb up from their despairs.Hiratsuka Shizuka encourages Hikigaya Hachiman. (Oregairu Zoku ep 8)

And you will pass down this technique to her someday.

However, I don’t think Hachiman will save Haruno by himself and directly. In LN v11 the last ch, anime Zoku, the last ep, he announced Yukino needs to solve her own problem by herself, or else, it will be meaningless. So it means that

  1. Hachiman will get the supportive role to understand problems within these Yukinoshita sisters.
  2. Next, Hachiman will not take the problem and sacrifice himself in order to save them anymore. He will be better thinker and realize the love, sincerity and the so called “trust” that twisted into the manipulation of whirlpool or “despair” within Yukinoshita family.
  3. Hachiman would make Yukino realizes about this. After Yukino gained her courage from him and Yui, she would confront Haruno and finally understood her sister after talk (please don’t forget she never discuss what’s in her mind to Haruno even once.).
  4. If you notice something wrong in Haruno (in LN v11, anime Zoku ep 12). Especially in LN, Hiratsuka-sensei (monster of understanding, a certain long beard wizard in H@rry P*tter, LN didn’t mention this title) was invited by her to go to have some drink and she notices something is bothering Haruno. So she asks her but Haruno doesn’t say anything. However, Haruno’s response tells me that she is having “the big trouble for real” that we still don’t know what it is. But I believe that her big trouble will be revealed in LN v12 (before that will come, I will bet “the everlasting relationship” that her mother desires (Yukino mentioned before), is coming, by using Haruno via “arranged marriage”).Can you imagine how Haruno will feel, if she realizes she and this guy who likes her, were told by their families to get married?
    You can see why Haruno is acting weird behavior (and annoying a bit in some people’s point of view), she tries to not go back to her home and escapes to the safer place (any place where there are Yukino, Hachiman and Hiratsuka-sensei). Haruno clings more by inviting her only friend, Hiratsuka-sensei to have some drink. However, she doesn’t has courage to say about the big trouble when sensei asks. With Haruno’s shoulders are shaking a bit and her flaming eyes, I can tell she is so scared about it and the one who gives her this problem (guess who? If you read my analysis until this point, you know that answer, don’t you?). That’s why she escapes from the bigger despair to the shelter.
  5. Hachiman receives the role to understand and change people by hurting them necessary. The pattern that will solve this big trouble should be…Hachiman (breaker) + Yui (healer) -> Yukino (attacker) -> Haruno (the princess who was captured by demon king). …I would play some online game too much.This is just my assumption, but with my analysis Haruno’s operation fire doughnut, you will see Haruno is fond of him so much, just like what Hayama mentions.

    “If she doesn’t have any interest in something, she wouldn’t act so cheeky like that… She wouldn’t do anything. She’ll meddle so much with what she likes to the point of killing it.

    I suspect Haruno has the fe****g to Hachiman, and another reason why she meddles with him is, she is waiting for him, another one who can see right through her, while people who lived/played with her since her childhood, can’t reach her. Then perhaps, this person (who never stop to observe her) who can see right through her at first sight, might understand her true self and endless despair, to reach her in the end.

Haruno’s doubt is still continue.

The sun had already sunk far past the horizon, the final fragment of the afterglow disappearing in succession.

Haruno shuts the book that I think it would be Run Mel*s. When she looks outside the window, this bubble thought made me think her bitter story in this memorandum, has end with her own symbol (the sun), the meaning of her name I mentioned before that it is the hidden keyword that revealed who is the owner of this monologue.

Sincerity. Or perhaps, the truth.

If you couldn’t call those empty delusions, then what else could you call them?

If you read my lonnnnnnng analysis carefully (because this post has so many detail), you would know what Haruno has been facing. The laughable sincerity/truth she is getting from her mother are not like she wishes. The second line in bubble thoughts confirms my analysis that she wishes the real sincerity and love from the one she cares for, but her rewards from hard work are something she misunderstood for a long time. And they are not valuable at all. That’s why she admits this laughable reality and concludes they are empty delusions/errors/illusions/misconceptions. They are opposite of what she desires completely.

The distance between both of them is…

And in the last bubble thought of Haruno shows me that although she accepts her despair will continue endlessly, she shows her expectation/hope clearly that she too, wants to realize that the real sincerity/love/truth are really exist. If my assumption is right, she is expecting a signal from Hachiman who has the potential to understand and change people, since he is the first one who tells her this word (the genuine – LN v8, anime Zoku ep 4, manga -Monologue- v7), to make it possible, to show her this word is exist and changes her despair to the better future (and this is not Danganronpa.). She always tries her best because she loves her mother. So she allowed her mother to be relied on her too much and ends up sink into the despair. So the only word that is influential in her heart.

Do genuine things really exist?

Hikigaya Hachiman looks at Yukinoshita Haruno's lonely back, while Hayama Hayato is waiting for her judgement after his so much brave operation. (Oregairu Zoku ep 4)This is Haruno’s story. Her lonely back tells me this.

We will know this answer for sure, and I believe again that the cause of Haruno’s problem can be solved via conversation.

Eliminate fear in their hearts by courage!

Because this problem happened because she and her mother would never talk about this problem before. (502 Bad Gateway Error: Two different servers Yukinoshitas are having trouble communicating.)

  • Haruno’s mother doesn’t realize she is manipulating her daughter until now.
  • And Haruno is too scared to tell her mother that she doesn’t like how she is using her.

But don’t forget this analysis exists to find out the owner of this monologue and compares the result of this analysis that it consists with the detail in this memorandum or not. What do you think about my Oregairu analysis? I want to know your opinion as well. I like to read every comments and theories so please don’t hesitate to use Comment form below to paste your own thought.

And if you think my analysis is worth for other people, you can use Share buttons below to send this analysis so they can have a chance to read this.

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Memorandum List

I pasted this list so you can explore all memorandums in Oregairu v10. Dozo!

Oregairu Analysis – 1st Memorandum: Possible, It’s That Person’s Monologue. - After filter and find keyword, it's possible that person is the owner of monologue in Oregairu LN v10.
Oregairu Analysis – 2nd Memorandum: Or, It Can Be This Person’s Monologue. - After filter and find keyword in the second memorandum, or it can be this person's monologue?

Related Oregairu analysis you should not miss!


I mentioned earlier that Haruno is waiting for that person who can see right through her. That’s why she tries to find out this boy is like she wonders or not.

During the cultural festival, she feels terrified when she saw “that person” is asking her for help like her mother always asks her to do anything she wants.


When I mentioned that Hachiman is one who Haruno is waiting for, I noticed before from LN v8. Haruno vents her feeling to him about her sister during.


I wrote about manipulation among Yukinoshita’s female family members in this analysis. The reason why Haruno is so persistent with her younger sister so much.

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4 thoughts on “Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?

  1. Cud says:

    I can see where this is going. Assuming your theory was right about the owner of each memorandum: Yukino, Hayato and Haruno respectively who were also involved in that unfortunate incident in the past and the progress of the story in recent volumn seems to focus on these three (like how Haruno mention how Yukino once gave chocolate to Hayato and that triggered some kind of emotional reaction from her), it seems that Watari-sensei intends to drop a giant bomb in future volumes (by bomb i mean an important plot points). But it also possible that since a majority of your OreGairu analysis seems to focus on Haruno and Hayato that when analyzing the memorandum you tend to be bias towards these characters (please understand that i’m being cautious here).
    In any case, i can’t see 8man being the owner of any memorandum simply because his thought and feeling is explicitly presented to us throughout the story using his monologue so what’s the point of making a whole section about his thought and feeling? Yui is even more unlikely as comparing to the other important characters (like 8man, Yukino,…) she has a much simpler mindset (for me at least) and everything we need to know about her is already presented in the main story. At this point, only Shizuka is-imo-potentially another owner of 1 of the 3 memorandum, even then that case is weak. But that just me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • YahariBento ( ^ v ') says:

      >>the owner of each memorandum: Yukino, Hayato and Haruno respectively who were also involved in that unfortunate incident in the past and the progress of the story in recent volumn seems to focus on these three

      To tell you the truth, I notice the author started to increase the focus level in these three characters in v10 (in spite of he gave clues about relationship and etc between these three in earlier vols). That’s why I think it would be these three. However, just bring the atmosphere to judge who is the owner is not enough.

      >>But it also possible that since a majority of your OreGairu analysis seems to focus on Haruno and Hayato that when analyzing the memorandum you tend to be bias towards these characters (please understand that i’m being cautious here).

      It’s fine to tell me directly because I admit I put my own bias to all Oregairu analysis (include other analysis too). The one who analyze all of these is the imperfect human being who has my own thoughts and emotions. I will confess to you too that you will see more mistake in my next works as well (^ ^)> (Oh! you can read my Attention before read my works). There’re many times I realized later that I misunderstood in what the author tried to convey (such as what I wrote in this analysis and I wrote my misunderstanding to let my readers knows and to let myself recalls). That’s why after the conclusion of all posts, I always ask for other opinions from readers too. Just my own assumption is not enough. All thoughts from my readers are valuable.

      >>In any case, i can’t see 8man being the owner of any memorandum simply because his thought and feeling is explicitly presented to us throughout the story using his monologue so what’s the point of making a whole section about his thought and feeling?

      I agree with you. It would be weird to make another section when we read his monologues from the beginning. But I still wrote about him who might be the owner of some memorandum because it is still possible.

      Yui is even more unlikely as comparing to the other important characters (like 8man, Yukino,…) she has a much simpler mindset (for me at least) and everything we need to know about her is already presented in the main story. At this point, only Shizuka is-imo-potentially another owner of 1 of the 3 memorandum, even then that case is weak. But that just me.

      It’s fine again. Because I want to read thoughts from anyone who read those memorandums.

      Like

      • Cud says:

        I have a feeling that this plot will go on for much longer than i expected. So far, the author only gives us little hints about what actually happened back then, the sudden introduction of Mrs. Yukinoshita (a.k.a gund*m) means that the author will nees to establish her role in this problem and the problem between the three members of the service club aren’t exactly resolved yet. Assuming Watari-sensei wants to conclude OreGairu satisfyingly, all of these problems (as well as other problems that i didn’t accounted for) must be addressed and i can’t see how Watari-sensei can wrap things up in just one more volume. That is assuming your theory was right (again i am being cautious).

        Liked by 1 person

        • YahariBento ( ^ v ') says:

          I think so too, or I wish to have more than v12 ^ ^. But not only two problems you mentioned, there is broken relationship between Yukinoshita siblings & Hayama too. No way he will collect all of these or more than these in just one vol, won’t he?

          Like

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