Who is the owner of the second memorandum? This analysis will reveal some part of her/his story, before this owner will decide to plan “another ridiculous pitfall”.
In “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru. (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。), Oregairu (俺ガイル)” LN v10, As I wrote before in 1st Memorandum, Watari-sensei wrote 3 Memorandum but didn’t reveal who are the owner of each monologue. This time, I will try to analyze memorandum to continue from the first. I think it is the most difficult memorandum, the second.
I read comments from sites that discussed the owner. In my opinion, when v10 was released, I really didn’t know who is the right answer. After reading comments from those sites, I still couldn’t find any solid evidences to make me confident who is. Some comments said this is Yukino, some said it’s Hayato.
Update
16/5/2020 – And I found out the final answer who owns this memorandum.
01/28/2018 – I decided to write my new assumption since it appears that the old assumption I wrote below is shallow. But I will not change my final answer because I still think it’s the correct answer. So I will write re-filter that will drive to the core of this owner’s story. However, I also think all characters who like to read are still fine, so I will re-filter with that list. Come to think of it, I noticed that this is the most difficult memorandum among three memorandums. Although I ever thought that the last one is very difficult, it’s so easy compare to this second memorandum. Because there’s no easy way to filter characters in this memorandum.
- Please read Attention page first, to let you understand that my all analyses are not 100% right. All of them mix with my assumption/guess as well, more or less. If you expect absolute reliable analysis, I can’t provide them to you.
- Gigantic spoilers after this point.
- Before you proceed more than this, I recommend you to read/watch LN, anime & manga -Monologue-. Especially, this analysis focused on LN v10 because this memorandum is in there only.
Filter possible answers (as usual).
Like I did in my analysis in the first memorandum. I will filter possible answers. With fewer candidates, it might be easier for me to look for which character is monologue owner.
Find who likes to read.
I will use the same trick since this memorandum, this person read many novel books like he/she is searching for something. Some of them are No Longer Hum*n and Run, M*los! It means one of his/her hobbies is reading. So the next step is to filter anyone who has this hobby.
- Hikigaya Hachiman (比企谷 八幡): As a loner, reading is the best.
- Yukinoshita Yukino (雪ノ下 雪乃): When you enter her club, what she always does is reading.
- Yukinoshita Haruno (雪ノ下 陽乃): One of her hobbies is reading. And in doughnut shop (LN v8), we see there’re thick books at her table.
- Hayama Hayato (葉山 隼人): Are you surprised? I never know when he reads any books. He likes sports but reading is his hobby too.
- Hiratsuka Shizuka(平塚 静): She likes ramen and manga too.
- Ebina Hina (海老名 姫菜): Yes, as a fujoshi, reading is one of her skill (but please ask me which manga she likes to read). Her fav is LN.
- Zaimokuza Yoshiteru (材木座 義輝): He aims to be a writer, then reading (manga & LN) is necessary.
This list is the result of looking into their profiles. (If I miss someone, please tell me via comment, OK?) Then, what should I do next?
Filter candidates. (New)
This point is the new candidate filtration that I decide to write who is the owner of this memorandum after I wrote many Oregairu analyses and reviewed this memorandum carefully. However, I was still not sure that what I will write below, will be what the author intends to tell readers or not. But I think the final answer is correct. So I promise that I will analyze thoroughly. There are some times I found the answer while I was writing.
I will re-filter with these characters who like to read books.
1. Suffering
Now, we have candidates (Hachiman, Yukino, Haruno, Hayato, Ebina, Zaimokuza, and Hiratsuka-sensei). So I will start to exclude characters who are not match with emotion of this owner. If you read this memorandum, you can notice so easily that s/he is suffering, so I can exclude Hachiman from the list. Because when I read c1-6 that are the story before this memorandum, I don’t see he is suffering. He has difficult job to do and is worried about the rumor or the atmosphere within the club, but I don’t see there’s any hardship to the point it’s so painful to him.
2. Expectation and Understanding
This person suffers because s/he expected something from someone that is related to the understanding between this owner and other people/person. So I can exclude Yukino and Hiratsuka-sensei because of this quote.
I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.
- Yukino: If this is LN v8-9, I will not exclude her because it matches with her thoughts. But her problem with this issue was solved by Hachiman. And when I reviewed LN v10, I don’t see she is suffering because of this topic.
But if I will think Yukino hurts because she expects Haruno can give clue about Hayato’s career path but she is complained by her older sister, yes, I can see that she suffers from this moment. But it is not reasonable for her to read many books after that painful moment And it’s not related to her true nature either. - Hiratsuka-sensei: This teacher has this problem (marry) so it’s within the circle of expectation and understanding. But I don’t see how she is lost to the point she seeks the solution from books.
3. This Person Is not Looked.
Next is how to filter Haruno, Hayato, Zaimokuza, and Ebina. I can select another one who doesn’t match with this quote.
Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
The one who doesn’t match with this quote is Haruno since she meets “the one” who is sensitive to her behaviors. That is the reason why she is interested in that person. I think I can reveal that person is the main character, Hachiman (I don’t mean Yukino because although she understands her older sister’s mask, she can’t see Haruno’s suffering, so Haruno focuses at other people who might see right through her final layer). And until now, although Hachiman can’t understand Haruno and wants to avoid her because of his own misunderstanding, he doubts and reviews her thoughts, that is what she is expecting. So I don’t think she is suffering because she is not looked for this case.
Excluding Haruno can be done because there’s solid evidence from her, in LN v10, when she asks Hachiman if he asked Hayato about his career path. Hachiman’s answer makes her review something that related to Hayato’s expectation, but I notice that this issue makes her think about herself or her own expectation too. There are two meaning behind this quote, Hayato’s expectation and her expectation.
“Something that’ll find him, I guess.”
I will TL this quote to decode Hayato’s expectation later.
Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?
If you are interested about her expectation behind this quote, feel free to read more in this post.
If you read link above already about her expectation behind her words above or check her reaction when she turns to look at Hachiman and says the quote above in LN v10 c6, you will see some hope within her enchanting smile or when she is looking at the boy beside her that reflects her hope toward Hachiman, the one she is looking at him when she says it. Her hope is not consistent with the emotion of the owner of this 2nd memorandum (this memorandum is next to c6).
4. Overall Image
So right now, I have three candidates, Hayato, Ebina, and Zaimokuza. So I tried to review 2nd memorandum again to exclude like usual. However, I can’t find any clue that will help me do that. So I used another way to check the answer, by “assuming that this character is the owner of the second memorandum”, and I read this memorandum again. However, this method didn’t help me find which person doesn’t fit with this memorandum either. (Sigh)
Although my effort with two methods didn’t help me to filter, reading memorandum makes me notice that
- the owner “is expecting”. This thought of the owner must do or plan something like the next step. Because if s/he is expecting that person to make her/his expectations becomes the reality, but s/he does nothing, it’s possible that the owner’s wish would never come true.
- You can argue to me that this person is expecting, but it doesn’t mean that s/he will do something. Because this owner might hope only, but doesn’t do anything. Yes, but when I reviewed this memorandum, it seems this owner is suffering from something to the point s/he read many books contiguously without tiredness, it means that her/his desire is severe. So my assumption in 1) would be more possible. = This owner is planning or doing something.
That’s why I will filter by using this assumption, to find which characters are not planning or doing something to make her/his expectations come true. And I will find this answer by reading LN v10 only because this memorandum was written in this v10, that is her/his current events.
- When I reviewed Zaimokusa’s story in LN v10, I didn’t see he is planning or doing something to make/use “another person” so his wish will come true.
- For Ebina’s case, her roles in this v10 are…
- helping the service club to find Hayato’s career path, that I can exclude this issue because it’s not related to the memorandum anyway.
- her point of view about how Hayato avoids the issue and maintains their clique when the rumor (Hayato and Yukino) is a super hot issue. So I think if she is having the expectation, she is hoping her group will be the same as always, so she can live peacefully, and she expects Hayama will solve this problem. = Hayato is “that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people”.
However, this assumption is not consistent with the emotion of the owner of this memorandum and overview. Because if she is worried about what is happening in her clique, I don’t think she suffers to the point her thoughts run in the endless loop, and although it’s consistent toward “expectation”, it doesn’t accord with she can’t forgive herself for thinking she was “understood” and “was understood by someone” either.
That’s why I will also exclude Ebina from the list.
- For Hayato’s case, yes, he is the most possible choice to be the owner of the second memorandum. But I will not explain this in this section because it’s very long. I should analyze his story and 2nd memorandum in full version below.
Eh!?
5. Hidden Keyword!
After I tried reading his comments in this ch, over and over, IMO, there’s no doubt that Hayama Hayato would be “this person”. However, I found another evidence that points it’s him. A keyword. Watari-sensei wrote the hidden keyword in this memorandum as well to points who is the owner of this monologue.
This person in this memorandum talked/worried about him/herself. Look for the answer in books to ease his/her suffering. Expect someone will see the real him/herself. All of these focus on this her/his true nature or “person”.
Person
And guess who has a character in his/her name that means “Person”?
隼人 = 隼 means “Falcon” and 人 means “Person”.
Re-Analyze Hayato.
However, although I filtered and found the most possible answer, it didn’t mean that Hayato is the owner of the 2nd memorandum (as its title says, “Or, it can be anyone’s monologue”). So to check the answer and to satisfy my readers (and even myself), I will do my best again to analyze the overview of this memorandum.
1. Decode His Searching.
If I assume that Hayato is the correct answer, it means that one part of his story must connect with the 2nd memorandum too. First, this person read many books to find the answer or how to solve his problem(s).
a) These novels certainly did feel similar to me. They even made me think that they were close to my true nature, or perhaps, my disposition that could very well be called malignant.
b) However, even so, there was something decisively different.
c) No matter the literary master, no matter the masterpiece, they weren’t close at all.
d) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
⇑ I will skip some quote because it’s not necessary to analyze what he wants to search that much (at least for now). These quotes will help me limit the area to analyze his intention toward his books. Or I should say his expectation from reading books. When I reviewed these quotes, I started to understand [what he wants to find] and [how he searches.] Let me bring up the quote a) and d) first.
Quote a) and d) helps me know how he searches and what he wants to find from his books.
- From quote a), he tries to find any characters in books who is the same as him. That character must be close to his true nature that he admits himself that his disposition is like cancer. It seems there are books that have characters like him.
- And quote d) helps me to know that is what he wants.
- With these quotes a) and d), they tell me that he searches for a character that is like him and has similar problems as him.
The reason he looks for a character like that because he wants to find any reference that will help him solve his own problems. However, it seems that the keywords he keys in his private library, are too specific… This is what quote b) & c) tells me.
NOTHING FOUND
Sorry, but nothing matched your search terms. Please try again with some different keywords.
2. The Meaning of Quote (d).
I can say that if I can decode the meaning in the quote (d), I can understand Hayato’s wish and suffering, hope, and despair. But to decode this is very difficult because it can be interpreted to anything. Anything is my enemy! Although I reviewed this memorandum over and over, I couldn’t find its meaning. Until I surrendered to this powerful memorandum. Eh?
So what I can do at this point is, glancing around. At least, although I didn’t know that what “For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you” means, but I can decode that his hope/desire is “that other party” to have addressed him, to have sympathized with him. But what he gets is something opposite, so I will decode that the other party didn’t address him, the other party didn’t sympathize with him, = this is his truth right now, the despair.
The next step is, if I can find its meaning in the memorandum, I must look around in his own story. That’s why I collect his problems that happen in LN v10.
- Career Path: He decides to hide his choice.
- Rumor
- Arranged Marriage (!?)
- His inferiority complex toward Hachiman
- Love
With these, to eliminate choices, I will consider them.
- The career path is one of the events that Hayato and his classmates must decide. However, I don’t think this is his problem although how he hides it is very fishy (even if we can think that he might hide his career path for his friends’ sake, I think he can advise his friends to choose by themselves while he can reveal his choice). And if he sent his career path form already, it means that he has no problem with this issue that it means he already chose his path. After I wrote two analyses about his silent plan in LN v10 & his career path, I found out that the career path he chose is not a problem for him (although Hachiman almost catches his choice). His choice is interesting because he chose that because he wants the other party to address him and sympathized with him. This issue connects with his feeling in this memorandum but it is not the problem he tries to find the solution in books.
- Rumor: I think this is his problem definitely. And it’s possible that he finds the solution in books so he can stop this rumor. Although he couldn’t read those books since he was too young, when the rumor happened in the past, I think he can look for the reference when he grows enough to read difficult things.
But this problem is still not consistent with the memorandum completely. Especially, when he expects that if it’s “that person”, they might find me and see right through me, it’s not consistent with how he solves that rumor. Hayato can solve this problem and he doesn’t need anyone (except one person) to find and see right through him. I think I will write about how he solves this problem in another post.
- Arranged marriage: Yes, I can say that his career path has a strong connection with this event. And this is the reason why he covers his career choice from everyone. However, after I wrote many analyses about this character, I can dare say that this marriage is a huge benefit to him. Because he can marry with his crush via adults’ decisions. So I don’t see why he suffers from this issue. However, this marriage event doesn’t make that other party to address him or has sympathy with him. I can say for now that this event will make him and the other party be together but it will not make that party do as he hopes. For these reasons, this marriage or engagement is not a problem for him.
If you want to know more about arranged marriage in Oregairu story, you can search the post with this keyword.
- His inferiority complex toward Hachiman: …When I checked this issue with the memorandum, I didn’t find any fault. Therefore, although he always hides his malice every time he feels inferior toward Hachiman, there are two times he tells Hachiman about this (although Hachiman still doesn’t know why Hayato feels like that).
- In LN v9 (anime season2 ep8), when Hachiman is looking for Isshiki Iroha (一色いろは), he comes to the soccer club that she is the manager to ask people, and he meets Hayato there. Hachiman thinks he would help this kouhai but Hayato tells him that he is not a nice guy like he thinks.
- And in LN v10 (anime season2 ep11), he tells Hachiman about how he feels. But if I will consider that his inferiority complex as only one factor, it means that he compares himself who is a nice guy to the loner and suffers from this comparison. This can be called HayaxHachi!!
He should be Hayama’s guardian.
I’m kidding, ok?
I mean, if I think that Hayato’s inferiority complex as just one factor. no matter this is love or hate between these two boys, there’s one thing in the memorandum that is not consistent with this issue. Look at this quote.That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.
I don’t think why Hayato wants that person to solve this issue so people might find him and see right through him. Because this should be …private issue. I don’t think he wants people to imagine HayaxHachi or even people understand how he suffers from comparing to Hachiman either. I will say that it does not benefit him. And He is not the type who will reveal his secret to people either, even his friends too. So I don’t think he suffers because of this and he tries to find how to solve this case from his books and wants people to understand this pain. As if the rumor in LN v10 is not hot enough.
To tell you the truth, it’s too bad that this is not BL. If Hayato suffers because of this issue for real, I think we can switch to HachixHaya (!?), if Hachiman realizes Hayato’s feeling…(slurp).
(Stop! Stop! STOP!!)
I need you, Hkitani-kun.
(!!)
These are not enough to imagine!!
Just do it!!
2nd delinquent, Yumiko-dono
(Kyaa!!)
The first obstacleDo you think how Miura will feel toward HachixHaya? Or will she decide to choose a completely different route?
YumixYui or YuixYumi? For me, I think Yui is Seme & Miura is Uke, so YuixYumi!! Yaoi is love ♥, Yuri is life. ♥
…umm well, to sum it up, no matter Hayato’s inferiority complex is love or hate (I believe 100% it is hatred), it is consistent with memorandum 95% (except Ebina is “they” who might find him and see right through him, because if this is Yaoi, she found him and saw right through him already ♥♥). So I …HAVE NO CHOICE but hide my feel- umm I mean, eliminate this issue. I don’t believe he wants to make Hachiman address him blah blah blah because I believe his hatred toward Hachiman is not what he wants to solve. He will hate what he hates.
- Love: Now we reach the last choice!
3. Hayato Suffers Because of Love.
If I suspect that his despair that he is facing until LN v10 because of this issue, I will return to LN v8 that is the last point of his effort to win the one he loves. If you don’t know about that, I recommend you to read this v8 (I will not recommend anime because important scenes were excluded to the point people can’t notice what happens at that time).
But if you want shortcut (but I think it’s longcut), I recommend you to read what he tries to do in
- The TRUTH(s) behind Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hachiman (All Parts)
- & The TRUTH(s) behind Hayama Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hikigaya Hachiman (All Parts) via this Bento Analyses page.
Or if you want the 2nd shortcut, I recommend Oregairu Analysis – The Conclusion of Haruno’s Plan (Operation Fire Doughnut) & The TRUTH(s) behind Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hachiman (The Last Part). because I concluded how Hayato feels after his crush was not interested in him although he had tried so much.
At this point, I will think you would read LN v8 already and grasped Hayato’s suffering because of love at that time too. So I will conclude more that Hayato is suffering because he tried to make Haruno interested in him, instead of his love rival, Hachiman.
But Haruno was the only one who finally understood his wish and ill intentions (used everyone including herself for his own sake) but it was too late, she ended up hurt Yukino, that it is unforgivable for Haruno because Hayato used her to confront her beloved younger sister so he will not need to participate the student council president election and he didn’t need to refuse Yukino and Yuigahama’s request (he was too scared to refuse their expectations) by himself. That’s why Haruno gave him one answer that made him fall into the despair, or should I say, rejected him.
This is a short story of his love and despair.
4. But I Faced a Big Problem.
What I need to do next is to check the answer with this assumption (he fell in the despair because of her rejection), to find out if this issue is consistent with the second memorandum or not. Unluckily, as I mentioned earlier, it’s not consistent (then why do I need to explain this issue if it’s not the correct answer?). I mean, this is what I “thought”. When I reviewed memorandum, this quote below ⇓ is the one that is not consistent with the love and the despair of Hayato.
All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
I thought I kinda understood the second sentence a bit but I had no clue about the first sentence. I was so confused about this wish. If I couldn’t get this, I couldn’t conclude that the love issue is the right choice. From the quote above, if Hayato is suffering because of Haruno’s rejection, I didn’t know why he wants is “was to blame himself by way of the truth” despite he is blaming himself in the memorandum.
So I started to think that my assumption (love issue) might be wrong, or I missed something important, such as other characters he mentions in the memorandum or any clue in LN v10, or maybe I misinterpreted. Or because I saw him as something that is no l*nger hum@n since what he did during the double date (that I explained as the multidimensional plan of Hayato) is too unbelievable. For someone who could do anything secretly for his own desire, even manipulated everyone while no one could notice his intentions. And the moment I realized reasons why he did all those. These are the reasons why I could not understand him in this memorandum. Since his desire is a few, but what he wants after this issue can be anything. …Anything is my enemy again.
Pit stop
Despite I still had this problem, I was sure that Hayato is planning to do something, and he needs a certain person to achieve his goal that is related to his love issue. So I thought that characters that get involved in the 2nd memorandum, are Haruno and Hachiman.
So I had no choice but to try many assumptions. I will not explain those methods because my super TL post right now will be super gigantic extremely galaxy TL post (and another reason I will not explain because I forgot some already). That’s why I will skip them to explain my ideas that solved this problem.
5. This Assumption will Solve that Problem and Its reliability.
I reviewed memorandum again and threw my assumption to these quotes.
e) That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.
f) Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
g) It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
Previously, I thought “that person” in quote e) would be the one who makes Hayato suffer because this person didn’t do as quote f) & g) said. That means this person who was sensitive to the evils of people, looked at things that were close to him and saw right through everything, never looked at Hayato. That’s why he hurts as quote q) said. This was what I interpreted earlier and didn’t suspect anything because this incident happened for real.
However, since I got stuck in this moment, I ended up misinterpreted three quotes above as the result I wrote above. So I will suppose that [Hayato’s suffering in quote f) & g)] are not related to [that person in quote e)]…, got it?
So it means that if it’s like I supposed, I will suppose more that there’s another person who did as quote f) said. And this person’s actions caused the painful experience to Hayato as he said in quote g)…
Person A is that person who is like Hayato’s hope. ⇓
e) That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.
Person B is another one who is like Hayato’s despair. ⇓
f) Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
g) It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
Who is his hope and who is his despair? I think you’d know already. Yes, I supposed that Hachiman is Hayato’s hope and Haruno is his despair since Haruno rejected him as I explained above. So Hachiman who is the person his crush gives her attention for is the only one who he is expecting, must be Hayato’s hope (like when Hachiman was his hope for his multidimensional plan during the double date). When Hachiman’s habit and Hayato’s expectation toward Hachiman during the marathon are consistent with quote e), I have no reason to refuse that Hachiman is “that person” in this quote.
If my assumptions this time are true, then there’re Hayato, Hachiman, and Haruno in the second memorandum. However, despite I think Hachiman is in quote e) and Haruno is quote f) & g), it doesn’t mean that this assumption is the only one right answer. Because if I interpret another point of view, it’s also possible that Hachiman is the only one Hayato mentioned in quote e)-g). Because I will not estimate the inferiority complex of Hayato toward his love rival. Since whenever he fell into the situations that made him compare himself and Hachiman, Hayato couldn’t stop himself even if Hachiman didn’t do anything wrong. So we can interpret these two meanings.
However, I still believe that my assumptions (Hachiman is his hope, Haruno is his despair) are more weighty than the second although we can interpret as two meaning. It’s because I didn’t know what Hayato wants in this quote, also I didn’t know “who” he wants to blame him.
All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
What? Who? I can say that with my first assumption (Hachi is hope and Haru is despair), I finally understand the hopeless desire of Hayato. And when I realize his wish, it’s hard to believe that he feels like that and wants something like that? This is crazy. My analysis of this memorandum (old version) is very shallow. And I think I start to predict how Hayato will feel if his soundly but voiceless plan this time fail in the end of Oregairu story although it seems that his silent plan is successful inaudibly in LN v11 and it is going well in LN v12 (and might be LN v13 too) and his actions is one of the reasons Haruno says that Hachiman is so boring and she is drunk later.
6. Check The Last Consistent
After I found the consistency between the love issue and memorandum, I checked my understanding with the memorandum and found out another consistent that confirms my analysis. I will pick 4 quotes to make you see the consistent easier.
1) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
2) All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
3) Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
4) It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
If you look at these marked words in each sentence, you will start to see their connection. How Hayato feels if he is in the despair because of Haruno and expects Hachiman to do something so the quote 2) will come true… The author selected indirect words to cover true meanings. Actually, if WW used direct pronouns, it is easy to guess who he is thinking of. He even used some phrases that confuse me (for example, the way of truth). Sigh…
Despair and Hope
Now I will tell Hayato’s story in this memorandum that can explain the hidden meaning in his words during the marathon, the big trouble of Haruno and will predict what will happen in LN v13 or 14.
There was something I came to notice as I continued reading.
To be more specific, it was that I had gone back to the beginning.
There are many things Hayato gains while he is reading books.
- to find the answer to his problem and for his own selfishness but there are no books that can give him a good reference.
- or he realizes that although he had tried his best to seize Haruno’s heart, he ended up at the same point.
- or he is aware of his own true nature after understood characters in books, but he doesn’t intend to change himself or self-improvement.
No matter what something is, I prompt you about Hayato’s suffer after the double date that I wrote above first. In LN v8,
- After he was called by Haruno to come to the donut cafe, he rushed to that place with pleasure. ♥
- However, his hope started to become a disappointment. Because Haruno is with two strangers and his love rival (!?). The next nightmare comes when Haruno “forced” him to hang out with complete strangers. When he asked her why Hachiman was there too, Haruno told him the reason indirectly that made him depressed more. ♣
- And as if all of these were not enough, he tried to tell her that he couldn’t do this. However, she was not interested in his groan, on the other hand, she rejected his feeling toward her. ♠
- At the same time, he witnessed she acted differently toward his love rival (intentionally), this activated something in his head. Haruno’s rejection and this complex would be the causes that made Hayato decide to “do something”.
To read the full detail, you can explore these two analyses, the first one focused on Hayato’s point of view, the second focused on Haruno’s, choose as you like.
The TRUTH(s) behind Hayato’s Sacrifice for Hachiman (Part 1)
And Then, Haruno Launched Operation Fire Doughnut! (Part 3)
- Then he “bent” the double date and pulled every necessary people so he will not get more trouble because of this date and make a heroic drama so he can be brave in front of Haruno’s eyes by using everyone so he could be the brave knight/someone she likes. Also, he could solve “another problem” that 2YY were expecting him to be by using his crush. 3 in 1!! The bonus is he can torture the one he hates by “allowing” those girls from the other school look down upon Hachiman because while they are dating together, they compare the perfect guy and the opposite and share their comments with no respect to Hachiman.
Each one doesn’t know why they are here, except the only one.
It’s time to sa******* & **ss “them” away.
Strong Girl Aura
How to pull Hachiman and Haruno at the same time.
How to boil his love rival for his own scheme by using Orimoto and Nakamachi.
How to be the brave one in front of Haruno and suffer his love rival in one go.
How to lure Yukino and Yuigahama to stop problem that they were going to give him.
ps. prepare yourself before clicking them.
- But after Haruno watched his comedy show and realized why Yukino was there, she finally realized everything, along with his wish toward her and his ill intentions. Therefore, this plan of him destroyed her wish at the same time. All of these caused her to reject him at the third time permanently because she finally understood his true nature completely.
To understand
The painful feeling of Haruno when she is stopping her sister.
How Haruno understood the true nature of Hayato, her final answer. and his despair.
Ps. Therefore, if you read these two analyses, you will know why Haruno said someone ruined her parade.
- However, it seems he focused on what he wanted only and didn’t realize that he hurt her and destroyed what she wants. Hurting her feeling happened because he only concentrated to his own desire and things that was shown in front of him (that is her pleasure to see someone can do something for her sister) while other things such as her feeling or effort (in LN v6) are not what he could sense them. That’s why his effort to make her interest him with shallow method hurt her. The only thing he knew is she rejected him and didn’t look at him despite his maximum effort (his multidimensional plan and this perfect brave show).
These novels certainly did feel similar to me. They even made me think that they were close to my true nature, or perhaps, my disposition that could very well be called malignant.
No matter the literary master, no matter the masterpiece, they weren’t close at all.
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
After Hayato was rejected by his crush for the second time (in Oregairu story or the third time if we count her first rejection in the past too), as I explained because he still wants to find the solution and for his own sake, he tried to find in books to search for any character who has the same/similar true nature and situation/problem as him. Because he couldn’t find the answer by himself. However, even if he can find many books that provide similar characters like him, but when he needs to find those characters who faced the similar problem as him, no any books can give this request.
And the third quote above is his problems that are the causes of his suffering/despair. ⇓
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
If you want to know why he suffers like that, you can read my explanation about what he has done in LN v8 above again. And I will “convert” this quote so we can see the consistency of this quote with his suffering.
- First, look at the first sentence above, the author used indirect words to cover the meaning of this sentence. to address you, to sympathize you. So to convert them, please look at these words, “be something entirely different“. So it means that Hayato’s despair is opposite with underlined sentence…the other party to have not addressed you, to have not sympathized with you
- You can see that now they are consistent with “despair” because whatever Hayato doesn’t want, they must be something negative. And to understand the meaning of the first sentence or his hope, I need to combine with the truth that Hayato was rejected by Haruno and convert sentences again. Now the meaning of the first sentence is…
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you
⇓ (the other party = Haruno)
For Haruno to have addressed him, to have sympathized with him.
⇓ (address = look at)
For Haruno to have “looked at” him, to have sympathized with him.
I will tell you that “look at” doesn’t mean that Hayato wants Haruno to look at him …normally, but
he wants her attention although he knows that she would admonish him, as long as she will see him, he is not interested she will blame/complain of his true nature that can be called malignant (that we can see his true nature in the double date). Then it means that, in reality, she was not interested in him, not even look at him although he had tried his best to win her heart.
Another reason I interpreted like this because…
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
Yet, despite looking at the things that were so close to me, despite seeing right through everything else, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
These quotes are sentences that I ever explained their consistency. If I look at the first highlighted words of each sentence, I finally come to the conclusion about one of his wishes.
He wants Haruno’s attention although he is aware of his true nature that is like malignant, he still wishes that although she will admonish him, because he suffers because she looks at things that were so close to him (that can be other people around him or his surrounding but if you ask me, “look at the things” = “look at that guy”), but it seems that she is not interested to look at him or even his (malignant) nature/habit.
I will TL these quotes and choose some photos to let you see “that moment” he doesn’t like.
Yet, despite she was looking at the things that guy that who were was so close to me, despite she was seeing right through everything else that guy, I was the only one who she wasn’t looked at.
It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
This is how he wishes to gain the same Hachiman got, [his love rival was addressed and seen right through by his crush] in front of him while what he got is …you know that, just the short answer that show how she is not interested of him. In his opinion, to be pressured like Hachiman experienced by her are better than was ignored.
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
Yet, despite looking at that guy who was so close to me, despite seeing right through him, I was the only one who wasn’t looked at.
It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
And now I will show you how Hayato wants Haruno to sympathize with him. To know this another wish of Hayato, I will combine the same love issue of him and four quotes above again. So I need to look at the second highlighted words of each sentence, now I finally come to another conclusion about another wish of him.
But I have many words that need to solve before explaining his two wishes and his despair.
“was to blame myself by way of the truth.” are symbolic or metaphoric words that mean he wants himself to be blamed by someone you know who. “way of the truth” can be interpreted by using the next sentence of this second quote, or it can be interpreted as “someone who he wants her to see his truth or true nature”. If you reached this point, you would understand which character is his “way of the truth”. That person can’t be anyone else except Haruno (who is the only one he wants her to see his true nature and allows her to complain to him).
That’s why I will TL the second quote above to show you what he means.
All I wanted was to be blamed
myself(myself is not necessary since we know what he wants from her) byway of the truthher (who looks at his rival and can see right through that guy’s nature). I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.TL again. All I wanted was to be blamed by her. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
And yes, we can think Hayato wants another one, Hachiman to blame him because he is another one who is sensitive to evils. But I don’t think he wants Hachiman to advise him since the certain scene after both of them knew Yukino was sick and they were discussing who will go to visit her in LN v6, their discussion showed me how he was angry because he misunderstood that Hachiman criticized him despite Hachiman had no that kind of intention. That’s why I don’t see why he wants his love rival to do something like that if he showed he didn’t want that guy to see right through him while he doesn’t want his crush to look at him. If I weigh these two choices, His crush outbalances his rival.
“The farce of altruistic self-interest” is another symbolic or metaphoric words that Hayato is meaning.
- himself?
- or what he did for her?
- or maybe even what he did in the past?
I am not sure which one is the meaning but at least I can count 3) “what he did in the past out of this because he was the one who confessed in LN v8 (after Haruno rejected and ignored him completely during the double date), her action made his soul came out of his body (I imagine this to explain how much the mental damage he got from her ultimate rejection) his soul made one of his and her past leak outside). This gallery will show you how he made one of their past leaks, you should wear the mask before dig in.
Actually, I decrypted the hidden meaning of his confession at that time in the post, the conclusion of Haruno’s operation & the truth behind Hayama’s sacrifice for Hachiman (the last part), the link should be above ⇑. Hachiman misunderstood he was talking with him but the truth is Hayama was revealing the origin of his sin that made their close relationship was destroyed. Of course, I mean the relationship between him and Haruno. The information he leaked, revealed how Haruno finally knew him or his nature for the first time after she knew that he had no intention to save her little sister. That’s why I exclude his sin in the past from interpreting the meaning of “The farce of altruistic self-interest”.
I think he is aware of himself so he knows well that he is a person who looks like he is selfless but every his actions are for his own selfishness only. That it is not difficult to see this because there are many times he showed us that nature.
So to find the meaning of that farce, I need to review those four quotes again but this time I will choose the harder mode by bringing his incident, why did he save Hachiman? into this consideration.
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
All I wanted was to be blamed by her. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
Yet, despite she was looking at that guy who was so close to me, despite she was seeing right through that guy, I was the only one who she wasn’t looked at.
It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
The reason I will bring the moment he tried to save Hachiman from their bullying, Orimoto and her friend, Nakamachi to this consideration because of my own TL above. If he is narrating the moment when he watched at his crush looked at and understood his rival (that I TLed in the second and third quotes), it means if I want to know the meaning of that farce, I need to find its meaning during the double deat- umm the double date. Another reason and the main reason I suspect that I need to find the answer on this date because of this word, altruistic self-interest. Altruistic means he did something that is like he helped others but self-interest told me that he did that for his own self. That’s why I suspect that the farce he mentions is his show during this date, his show to save the victim from the bullying in front of her…
I mean, if you consider the second – fourth quotes as “the one incident”, it means he wants her to know why he did something like that. When you read/listen to her explanation about Hachiman at that time, she is explaining his action just now because she was pungent he pierced her heart despite she hurt because of the previous moment, blah blah blah (I’m too lazy to type), she knew he tried to understand her feeling by reading her action and she even knew why he did that became his own true nature. To interpret people’ intention so he can survive from this society. If we consider this, it means Hayama also wants this. He wants her to see his action just now too. Understanding his action (like Hachiman’s) and even his reason are realizing his true nature. The reason why he prepared everything (that is everyone who stayed during this dating event just now in order to save the victim from the bullying in front of her. Is this the farce is up to you to judge but another reason that will support my assumption (my assumption that the farce is his heroic show) is his own words. This gallery will help you remember when he says that reason.
When I connect four quotes, his show that is the incident happened before Haruno will analyze Hachiman, and this moment together. It means…
he wants her to save him.
Help people in front of her in order to gain her attention so she can help (or I should say, save) him.
I can see WW don’t miss to collect every detail and maintain the structure completely. He doesn’t forget to “conclude” Hayama’s desire. Actually, I believe that he doesn’t want his crush to blame him after watching his farce that will disgust her. But to make her look at him and understand him are reasons I believe they are what he wants since his thoughts in this memorandum are like the program that tries to run this code 3-4 times but gets errors. However, all of these are not his original reason. The truth behind his wishes, look at him, and sympathize with him are because he wants her to save him. But the important question is why does he want her help? The answer to this question is his own original desire. To find this answer, you can read this 2nd memorandum again to find that feeling or you can see these images.
This is the truth behind the show of altruistic self-interest. All of them for this. ⇓
All for you me.
I don’t laugh with this show because this truth saps my energy.
Reading those books makes him notice himself that is …like those characters in books.
But the problem is he can’t find how to solve his problem.
He wants Haruno’s attention and wishes she will sympathize him. However, it seems she didn’t do that.
All he wants is her condemnation because he is aware of his true nature that is like malignant that he pretends to be selfless but all for his own selfishness only.
Right now he can accept any painful things from her, as long as she will look at him and understand why he did this.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and (In his opinion,) she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his feeling behind his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she does as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different.
Next, I will decode quote b) & c) below. ⇓ Because I think their essences are also important and have a connection like this.
a) For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
b) Similarities and commonalities were exactly why discrepancies became apparent. They became distinct. Being so identical meant those differences wouldn’t be forgiven.
c) I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.
These three quotes have a clear connection that made me decide to decode them together. Quote b) shows how Hayato repeats the difference between hope and despair over and over three times that shows how much he is suffering because he gained something that is absolutely different from what he hoped. And his hopes are what is described in the first half of quote a).
Quote C) is the challenge to me because I had no clue what he means. But I will begin with his expectations. There are two expectations that are “for thinking I had understood” and “for thinking I was understood”. If he can’t forgive himself to misunderstand these things, it means previously, he ever thought he thought he understood and he was understood. The question is “what/who did he understand?” and “what/who did understand him?” Since I believe that about 90% of his brain cells have Haruno image, I believe that it is about her or their story. At least, I will choose to interpret the second question first, I believe that he ever thought he was understood by someone. In order to complete this speech, I need to find who understood him. It can’t be something or abstracts so I will add that he misunderstood that he was understood by her.
The real challenge is “what/who did he understand?”. Since I had no clue to interpret this alone, I chose to believe that these two questions are equal. I mean, if I added that he misunderstood that he was understood by her for the second question, it means that I can interpret that he misunderstood that he had understood her. After I got two answers, next is to TL quote c).
c) I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood her, for thinking I was understood by her.
The supreme real challenge is to find out “what does he mean that he had understood her?” and “what does he mean that he was understood by her?”. To find these answers, I need to read the memorandum to find how each incident happened subsequently because I believe that each moment are successive.
a) I couldn’t forgive myself for having expectations, for thinking I had understood, for thinking I was understood.
For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.
b) All I wanted was to be blamed by her. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
c) Yet, despite she was looking at that guy who was so close to me, despite she was seeing right through that guy, I was the only one who she wasn’t looked at.
It was so much more painful than being admonished and being looked down on.
Since I believe that quote b) is what he wants after he saw things happened in c), he realized that he did huge mistakes, he misunderstood. These two mistakes are things he couldn’t forgive himself, he didn’t forgive himself because he “did something” that is the production of his own misunderstanding. He ever believed that he understood about her so he did that heroic show, he ever believed that she will understand him if he did that show in front of her. This will explain the first mistake of him that he misunderstood about her made him design and launch this show, the next mistake is if he did that show, he will be understood by her, got it? The certain wise told me that the factor of the word and action is the thinking. That’s why I believe that quote a) happened before b) and c). If I need to order them, they will be a) ⇒ c) ⇒ b).
Actually, I explained somewhere that he copies Hachiman’s sacrifice to please his crush because the pattern between their actions is alike (Hachiman’s is when he destroyed Sagami’s policy in front of Hayama’s crush, Hayama copied his style at that moment because the existence of Haruno who also witnessed that).
If you need to see the short timeline, it would be like this. ⇓
⇓
⇓
And I also explained somewhere again that after Hayama saw his crush click like and love for Hachiman’s post, he misunderstood that she is so pleasant because of Hachiman’s action just now (that is true but the truths behind her laughing have more than that). So he believed that he understood her (I can say it is her feeling or what will please her or her delight, her delight to see there is someone who can confront problems) already (understood that she liked and praised Hachiman because of his action alone) so if he used the same method to show her that even he himself can do the same, help people with all his might, she will understand his good intention (I will let you imagine if he has that kind of intention). Since my two assumptions are consistent with his show and his failure, I conclude that this is how he can’t forgive myself because of multiple mistakes.
But please don’t forget I didn’t interpret “what does he mean that he was understood by her?” yet. To find its answer, we need to be Hayama! We need to find the moment when he waits for his crush to give him some answer after his heroic show or after he acted as the hero to confront ill people and save the victim. You will notice when he is so calm… as if he is waiting for the signal.
That’s right. This is the moment when he is waiting to hear her answer toward his show or I should say, toward him. Actually, he would start to wait after his show ended. Return to LN v6 after she listened to Hachiman’s slogan, human, she gave him her fabulous opinion that showed how she felt toward his intention and action. Hayama’s is not different but what he is expecting is different from his rival’s completely. Try to imagine when Haruno shows her impression of Hayama… It never happens, she didn’t laugh, didn’t give him any positive opinion. what she gave him is the opinion of truth that he feels embarrassed as soon as he heard it that is what he was trying to hide with all his might (in anime, you can’t see how he acts after he knew she caught every fake thing about him). This is how it is the mistake he believed he will be understood by her. Since he thinks in the memorandum he thought he was understood, I guess that while he is waiting for her response, he believed that she will understand him.
So I will use these two underlined words to explain these two highlighted words. ⇓
Reading those books makes him notice himself that is …like those characters in books.
But the problem is he can’t find how to solve his problem.
He wants her to look at him and wishes she will sympathize him. However, the reality is not like that.
He couldn’t forgive himself for having those expectations. To think he understood her feeling, to think she will understand his effort and the good intention if he tried hard, saved people.
All I wanted was to be blamed by her even if she would corner me with the cruel truths (like Hachiman experienced). Now I want her to see through his true objective that leads him to arrange this funny show, saving people for his own selfishness.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and (In his opinion,) she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his feeling behind his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she does as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different.
However, although I will use quote a) as the reference or modifier to explain the meaning in quote c), it doesn’t mean that this experiment will be correct. Because we can interpret quote c) to anything.
Compared to the existence as described in “No Longer Human”, I was much more diminutive, cowardly, and vulgar. Dazai didn’t realize that he was plagued with a much paltrier problem.
Then, didn’t that make me less than something human? Didn’t that make me far more lonely and apprehensive than the tyrant king?
Further. To think I utilized influential literature for the sake of attaining answers to my own problems and for the sake of something so extremely selfish and personal made me disgusted with myself. Just how shallow, just how foolish, and just how unsightly I was. The reason why I picked out these books weren’t for purification or for my own growth..
From the second line, he describes himself by comparing with other literature but what interests me is he thinks he is lonely and apprehensive. If you know the tyrant k*ng from the story Run M*los, you might notice how the king doesn’t trust others that is the sign he is afraid of people who he believes that they should not be trusted. If Hayama thinks he is far more lonely and anxious than that character, this info will answer the truth behind my assumption above that he needs Haruno to save him. Because he wants to rely upon her since he is like the first and second lines described.
One thing he gains by reading many books is comparing himself with characters in stories that let him know more about his true nature and his feelings after he is in despair by his own problems that make him condemn himself again. However, despite he is aware of his true nature at the beginning, he has no any intention to improve himself (that is the only way to solve his problem because Haruno rejected him because of his true nature.
All I wanted was to blame myself by way of the truth. I wanted the farce of altruistic self-interest to be seen through.
With the eyes that looked this way from outside.
When he realized that he can’t hope her to do as he imagined in quote a), his hopes twist to the point he doesn’t mind if she will feel or see him as … and doesn’t mind how she will respond as she responded to Hachiman during the double deat- umm date. And “the eyes that looked this way from outside.” means he wishes someone will look at him and you would know who.
Reading those books makes him notice himself that is …like those characters in books.
But the problem is he can’t find how to solve his problem.
He wants her to look at him and wishes she will sympathize him. However, the reality is not like that.
He couldn’t forgive himself for having those expectations. To think he understood her feeling, to think she will understand his effort and the good intention if he tried hard, saved people. He doesn’t mind she will see his true nature and how she will respond. As long as she will turn to him and understand him, and everything he did and his suffering, it’s totally fine.
All he wanted was to be blamed even if he would be cornered with the cruel truths (like Hachiman experienced). Now he wanted to be seen through his true objective that leads him to arrange this funny show, saving people for his own selfishness.
With her eyes that looked at him.
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and (In his opinion,) she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his feeling behind his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she does as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different.
However, although he has new twisted desires, what to do next is how to make his wishes happen? Please don’t forget another person who got involved in this memorandum, his love rival, the one he can use because he realized the original desire of this person, why this person always helps people and will not say no. I will explain how to change Haruno’s attention and attitude toward him, he needs to “do something”.
Hachiman: Huh?
That’s why I had expectations.
That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people, I thought, perhaps, they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me.
If you read LN v8 or my analyses about how he had expectations in his love rival to make him become the brave knight in front of his crush so she will be interested in him, you will understand how he used Hachiman to be the victim for his heroic show. So this time is not different. If Haruno is interested in his love rival, the only way to change this condition. But the problem is, how will he change her mind?
Oregairu Analysis – Why Does Hayama Want Himself & Hachiman To Be Equal? And His “Silent Plan”.
His action in LN v10 has a strong connection with this memorandum. To reach the answer how he can solve this difficult love problem, we need to consider his true nature, how he used people (especially, hench- umm Hachiman), and how he always hides his true intention, I wrote about how he expects/use ะhis love rival so Haruno will turn at him and understand him. This is the new expectation of Hayama that was written in the memorandum. I can say for now that “they might find me. Perhaps they might see right through me“ in the quote above doesn’t mean other people but her.
Therefore, that person who was unusually more sensitive to the evils of people is not anyone more than his love rival, Hachiman.
TL:
That’s why I had the expectation.
That maybe if it was this book or that maybe if it was that guy, I thought, perhaps, she might find me. Perhaps she might see right through me.
So it will be like this. ⇓
Reading those books makes him notice himself that is …like those characters in books.
But the problem is he can’t find how to solve his problem.
He wants her to look at him and wishes she will sympathize him. However, the reality is not like that.
He couldn’t forgive himself for having those expectations. To think he understood her feeling, to think she will understand his effort and the good intention if he tried hard, saved people. He doesn’t mind she will see his true nature and how she will respond. As long as she will turn to him and understand him, and everything he did and his suffering, it’s totally fine.
All he wanted was to be blamed even if he would be cornered with the cruel truths (like Hachiman experienced). Now he wanted to be seen through his true objective that leads him to arrange this funny show, saving people for his own selfishness.
With her eyes that looked at him.
That’s why he expects that if it is that guy, perhaps he can make her look at him. Perhaps she will understand him (who has the true nature as he compared himself with two certain characters in books.)
Despite she looks at that guy and she even realizes/understands the true nature/habit of his love rival, but it seems that he (Hayato) is the only one she was not interested to see, and (In his opinion,) she had no any intention to understand him, his actions and even his feeling behind his farce after all.
Even though she would admonish or look down on him if she does as he wishes, it’s less painful than the despair that he thinks repeatedly to find the conclusion that his hope and this despair are so different.
End.
The filtering process is finished, the final result is…
Maybe you might forget already that this post exists to find the owner of the 2nd memorandum. Yes, the final answer or should I say, the owner of the first monologue is “Hayama “Hayato”, and one part of his story. So it means that although he doesn’t expect to gain any positive response from her, he still expects to gain her attention and sympathy even if she will hate him. That’s why he will use his rival who is so useful again (I don’t want to say Hachiman is useful but I notice that using him continuously of Hayama makes me think he would think that guy is so useful).
And in LN v11, I can say that “his silent plan” is giving the excellent result to him. Because it’s working as he is expecting and no one in the story notices it until now (LN v13).
But The Truth is Haruno Saw Right Through Hayato Already.
Despite his wish is like this, after I read LN v10 and manga -Monologue- v11 the scene when Haruno asks Hachiman if he asked Hayama about his career path.
“I see. So Hayato’s expecting something, too.”
The word “something” is not a kind of abstract or object. It is someone. ⇓
TL: “I see. So Hayato’s expecting someone, too.”
If you reach this point, someone is Haruno. She knows that Hayato is expecting her and her next words are the answer.
TL: “I see. So Hayato’s expecting someone, too.”
“SomethingSomeone that’ll find him, I guess.”
WW likes to use other pronouns to hide the correct name/pronouns and the meaning of the characters’ words/thoughts. With this interpretation, it means that Haruno knows that Hayato is expecting her to find him. And if you read my analyses – the conclusion of Haruno’s operation & Hayama’s sacrifice until the last part, I explained that she saw through all fake things Hayama tried to present to her, along with every plan he expected from other people back then. To sum it up, she knew everything. Because she knew, Hachiman heard her laugh with the low voice (that is the sign she knew the truths behind Hayama’s super show), when she heard Yukino’s words, Haruno can understand why he invited her younger sister to be here so she said: “So it’s like that.” (understood another reason why he lured her to this double death umm date, so she will confront her little sister for him), that’s why she decided to fall into the trap he settled up again because he knew well she will stop Yukino, and decided to not interest him anymore as you can read her short conclusion for him.
Hayama thinks she didn’t look at him and understand him but I will not bet this. How can she have that love feeling to him if he did all of those to her? I assume he believes she didn’t look at him and understand him because she didn’t interest him. In Hachiman’s case in LN v3, she noticed something from him so she observed him and tried to understand him so she interests him as the result. But the truth is she noticed something fishy from him (bowed to Hachiman despite he is so prideful) so she tried to do as she did to Hachiman in v3 but I notice this time is kinda different from v3 a bit. Since she knows his true nature for a long time so I guess she suspected him and whatever he was trying to do (I notice from her darkening smile in v8 and manga -Monologue- that indicates how she doesn’t trust Hayama but her desire to know the answer win her logic and lured her to his plan) so she was very careful to observe him and got the correct answer but also got the heavy mental damage as the big bonus. That’s why I doubt his belief that she didn’t address him and blah blah blah since the truth is different.
With her opinion, we can interpret her words below to two significance. Because she says “too”. Too means there is another person who is expecting something.
“I see. So Hayato’s expecting something, too.”
- She means that Hayama is expecting something (that is her) will find him.
- And she is meaning there is at least one person who is expecting “something” that is someone.
Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it?
Which person is someone she wants to find her?
“Something that will find him, maybe.”
TL:
1) Hayama is expecting Haruno will find him.
2) Haruno is expecting “that person” will find her.
PS. What the? I see the loop or the love triangle.
For quote 1), I think it is correct because it connects with Hayama’s feeling in this memorandum. However, personally, when I was watching the scene above and a picture in manga -Monologue- when she is telling this quote to Hachiman. That moment makes me want to believe that she is talking about “that person” too. Because it will connect with her wish in the 3rd memorandum. Perfect!
I really think that if 1) & 2) are correct for real, I feel that this is …magnificent that I witness WW’s effort (and even mangaka of manga -Monologue-) link Hayama and Haruno’ feelings to this short but precious moment. I start to understand adventures’ feeling when they found rare treasure with their effort.
If you are still confused who is “that person” she is expecting to find her as I TLed, WW and mangaka showed the answer already, not her words but her gaze. You can check the answer in v10 and manga -Monologue- so you will see the person she is looking at or the image in her eyes. At this point, I notice that she also wants that person will find her and understand her with the eyes that looked at her from outside but their cases (Hayama’s & Haruno’s) are kinda different. Her case mixes with another wish to see the sincerity from that person.
The (Secondary) Career Path of Hayama is…
Therefore, while I was writing another analysis about the second career path of Hayama, I found another truth behind her words above. If you want to know the choice he chose to study in the third year, you can read more in this post. Another truth is she also realized which career choice Hayama chose after she got just one info from Hachiman. When she saw right through his true desire since that incident in LN v8, she can know his choice that is the product of that desire easily.
So Haruno knows two truths after she talked with Hachiman.
- The truth he is expecting her to find him.
- The truth about his career path that is…
Then, How Will Hayato Do So Haruno Will Find Him?
Then if my assumption about Hayato expects Haruno will find him is correct, it means that she must understand his thought very well despite Hachiman just tells her shortly that Hayato didn’t tell him about his career choice and she can connect Hayato thoughts to produce the result that is her opinion about his expectation. Since he is thinking (in this memorandum) that she looks at things that are so close to him, despite she can see right through everything else, the meaning behind these pronouns that I highlight them the person who is close to him, the person who she can see right through Hayato that is his love rival, Hachiman.
After I concluded the assumption about Hayato’s expectation toward her, I didn’t understand why she can know why he didn’t tell Hachiman and anyone about his career path. Hiding this truth from Hachiman = hiding the truth from everyone too since he is a popular guy in the school, most people are interested which path he chose. That is why if Hachiman who is the same class doesn’t know Hayato’s choice despite Hachiman should know from his classmates’ discussions about Hayato’s choice so easily, it can be concluded that he didn’t tell anyone about his career subject. I think this is Haruno’s analyzing but this doesn’t end yet.
In order to know her analysis that produces the result (Hayato’s expectation), we need to know the truths in LN v10.
- the important event between both of them
- and his career subject
If we know them, we can model her analysis. So I recommend you to read two posts that reveal that event and his career path(s). But if you have no much time to read all of them, feel free to skip them. I will tell you first that arranged marriage will make you know his career path to get married to her while the secondary career path is the career subject he chose to study. Both of his career paths are the truths that he decides to hide them from everyone.
At this point, I will tell you first that Haruno must know about their marriage already because the conversation between her and Hachiman is the event after that family dinner that is the event her fate is decided by her parents. Since she knows about the marriage, she must know his career path that is the same as hers.
And they will get married as her parents’ order, you can imagine their future after that event. Despite it will be like that, she still doesn’t look at him and see right through (in Hayato’s opinion in this memorandum). That’s why he needs to “follow her” that is the main factor that makes him decide another career path that is a career subject he will study that I called it “the secondary career path of Hayato”.
After I recommend you to read two posts above, I think it is safe to tell you that he chooses “Sciences” as his career subject. This is the best way to follow her so she will find him in the future. This is how she analyzes his thought to not tell everyone his career subject and their marriage is another factor that makes him decide this choice too. To pursue her path, he hopes she will find him someday.
The Stage of Denial of Hayato
But I think she understands about him already if I look back at her analyzing that means she got the conclusion about him since LN v8 and she told her answer already but I suspect that…
he can’t accept the truth from her rejection at that time.
Why? Since he heard her said “someone who can do perfect things —-” and his reaction after heard her answer. Her answer about doing perfect things of him and his reaction as if he is the kid who did something bad means he must know that she looked at him and saw through his scheme. If he was sure that she didn’t address him and blah blah blah as he was in the despair, then why did he acted as if he was caught by her (his reaction after he heard her conclusion about him are different in each medium so I recommend LN v8 only)? The fact he thought she didn’t look or understand him doesn’t make sense to me.
That’s why I don’t believe his opinion but I suspect he fell into the stage of denial. I will say that this case is kinda difficult but it is not too difficult. I think he, in the memorandum, is in the condition to deny the cruelest truth from her that is her rejection. And in order to erase her rejection, he needed to erase the related things too such as the truth that she looked at him and saw right through him. You can notice in this memorandum that he never mentioned her opinion at that time, not even once. Since he rejected the truths, he decides to look the answer in books instead, to find how to make her look at him blah blah blah. This is like “seasoning thoughts” so he can reject that cruel truth and allow himself to struggle so he can find another way to erase her final rejection at that time. If I need to use beautiful words, he was in this stage to defend himself from the cruel truth. He was deceived by himself.
So he relies on Hachiman by making both of them be equal so she can see “Hachiman’s unpleasant truth”. With this, she will not look at his rival anymore and he can gain a chance to be found by her that is the signal that
he is planning to dominate her mind with the truth of the guy she interests
so she will surrender to him.
So he decides to choose Sciences as the ticket to follow her to college/occupation she lives, open more chances to be with her in “every channel” so he will be saved by her.
End!!
Why Does Hayama Want Himself & Hachiman To Be Equal? And His “Silent Plan”.
Nah, not end yet. If you are interested to know about his silent plan that will make her give up to be interested in Hachiman, you can read in this post. The meaning of making both of them be “equal”.
Or, It Can Be This Person’s Monologue.
Although I still believe that Hayama is the owner of this memorandum, this is my answer at the story level. Until I found out something that I will call “the deepest layer” and “the core” by analyzing this post of anime Zoku ep5. So I reviewed these three memorandums again. It appears that all 3 memorandums belong to just one person. If you want to know the owner of them, I recommend you to read the post I pasted its link because if we can’t find out that core, it’s impossible (in my opinion) to realize about that person.
After I realized that person or that being, the truth impacted me and I thought that “…So it’s like that.”. With the final answer I found, it connects to the memorandum in LN v12 that I really think that Yuigahama is the owner but it appears that if we are talking about the core level, the owner of those three memorandums also owns this memorandum.
Since I found out the core or the true person who owns these memorandums, the next question for me is “then, is it possible that characters I analyzed might be not the true answer?”. I think at this point, I can’t judge this anymore because it’s up to the creator who designed them. If the creator intends to direct characters in the story will be the owners, so it’s like that, if the creator has no that intention, so it’s not.
However, my final result and analysis might be right and wrong too so if you have any different opinions about this monologue, you can write in Comment below. If you have more notice that I don’t know before, please tell me too.
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Memorandum List
I posted this list so you can explore all memorandums in Oregairu v10. Dozo!
Oregairu Analysis – 1st Memorandum: Possible, It’s That Person’s Monologue. [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.] - After filter and find keyword, it's possible that person is the owner of monologue in Oregairu LN v10. Oregairu Analysis – 3rd Memorandum: If so, just whose monologue was it? [Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru.] - If we know who is the owner of the third memorandum, so many detail that you might never know about this person will appear.
If so, just whose monologue was it?Related Oregairu analyses you should not miss!
This analysis will let you know who is “Y” of Hayama Hayato. Who is that
After you read the analysis on this page and analysis about “Y” of Hayama, let me recommend you this analysis! Do you remember Hayama decides Hachiman be his rival? These two analyses will give unbelievable clues about why he dislikes Hachiman. The second period of his suffering. Although he did his best to hide his true self, he feels disappointed that his rival never sees right through him and still forces the image to him only. If you want to know why Hayama doesn’t like Hachiman and try to compete with him, this analysis will give you clues. If you wonder why Hayama told Hachiman he is a nice guy like he thinks, you can read these analyses. When he faces big trouble, this is how he solves it. To understand his suffering in this memorandum, what happened at that time is the cause. After he got knowledge from his book, this is how he does things so that person can find him and see right through him. And it is going to work!
Yahari Bento 
Hello! Great work once again on noticing Hayato here. I could feel that Haruno, Hayama and Yukino suffer the same thing. A persona created by themselves to protect them from the nasty expectations of the outside world and there family. As far as I remembered Yukino’s family, mainly the Matriarch is far scary than Yukino, as per what Haruno said somewhere on the episode of season 1 where Yui and Hachiman went to a fireworks festival(It’s a festival but I forgot what it really is.) Also not to be harsh or something but some families put this unnecessary expectation to their children. Children on the other hand answers it with sometimes, ease. Knowing that they will be recognized by their own parents and praised because of their expectations. Haruno answering by being the perfect, beautiful, smart and answers the image that her family has to be (perfect). Yukino on the other hand feeling that the world has disowned her and even her family. CLINGS, to the ideal perfect human (her sister). Chases after her and later on learns that she wants something different from what Hachiman have and Haruno have. They have their fair share of masks that they have to keep up due to expectations and mostly, pressure brought forth by their own families. They want a person who could see through them, break them by POINTING OUT THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING ARE DISGUSTING AND WRONG. Hachiman can do this and could break their barrier. Although they know what they doing are mostly fallacy. They want confirmation and suggestion to what they can do at the very end. Also I felt that Hayato answers these expectations not because he want to, but he has to for the sake of his sanity. Sanity created being the helpful guy and fill the hole of his art. Not to the point of being helpful, but being to the point as being recognized as a good person. Not naturally, but at least ideally. (I’m sorry I just can’t create a nice essay about these answers are really flooding to my head right now and can’t really keep up that much. XD Sorry!) Again, thanks for the analysis! 🙂 Had fun reading it and till now, I have no assurance that it is Hayato. As it is really vague since I’ve read and watched it before. Thanks again! 😀 And also, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE OREGAIRU ZOKU PS VITA SCREENSHOT! Oh my goodness! Where did you get that?! I want it! XD My Haruno sense is tingling me since I saw it!
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Yes, I agree with you that Yukinoshita sisters and Hayato have masks/images to answer expectations and to survive in their world. They’re like security system.
In Hayato’s case, I have a friend who answered expectations and I really really thought this friend is good/kind person until one day, I realize this is just illusion.
I know your feeling about flood ideas are running in your head and can’t explain what you think easily. When I want to explain about this owner of this memorandum, I need to find in LN or I can’t explain it.
For screenshot below, it’s from PS Vita game “Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru. Zoku”. I found this from 4chan. This screenshot made my eyes wide like duck eyes more than other screenshots. :3
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Well, as per I saw at a picture and said by someone, “A man has 3 faces, one for others, one for his loved ones and one for himself.” (it is something like that and it I think it is fit to are trio really well.)
Then again, that picture is amazing, Hopefully we could get an English Version on the near future or as fast as possible. Also the First VN I want an english version of that! Currently I’ve been watching Dizzy Ziddy’s translated gameplay of the first VN and I’ve loved it. I know it is somewhat an adaptation of the Summer Camp on Chiba and the Summer in some Light Novel Volume. (Light Novel Volume 4 I guess) and I can’t help but to think that now there is a visual novel, manga there are many possibilities that at least one of them carries the clue to each problems and unanswered stuff.
Wataru Watari after all is a Iroha/Hachiman type character. (Sly, cunning bastard.) :3
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I want Eng version for 2 VN but for the first VN, I think it’s impossible for us to see this Eng version in the 1st VN. For the 2nd VN, if there’re HIGH demand, then there’s possible to release Eng ver. in Zoku game.
I didn’t play the 1st VN or watch in Youtube that much so I don’t know there’re any clues to unanswered stuff but I know there’re clues in manga so I hope there’re clues in VN too.
I want to read LN from sly writer after all. It’s like challenge for me… maybe I’m sly reader too. ;d
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“For the other party to have addressed you, to have sympathized with you, be something entirely different was nothing more than despair itself.”
i think if the sentence basically will be paraphrased it will be a lot easier to understand..
“Despair, is to be something (someone) entirely different from who you are just for others to address and sympathize with you.”
i mean, his despair is that, he has to be someone a lot opposite to his true nature to gain acknowledgement and sympathy. what makes it his despair is the fact that he gained those using the other persona he made. what made it worst… nobody see through it and everyone is loving his other persona while he’s living suppressing his true self.
I dont usually read to criticize, but the lines from the memo stirred me. i just finished the anime, i dont know if i can even find time to read the manga, but at some point you answered the things that made me confuse for being somewhat strange-their strange answers and visual representations. its even probably too late for this but blah~ blah~
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Thanks for reply. I think it’s up to us who will use “his own self” or “his own bitter love story” to interpret 2nd memorandum. So it’s very interesting to review his memorandum.
I also agree with you because Hayama can live peacefully in the society because his personality. So although I never see him feel jealous of Hachiman, it’s normal if he suffers alone. If my memory is not wrong, I ever thought that he suffers because he can’t live as Hachiman do. But when I watched him talk with Hachiman in the party after marathon, I doubt if Hayama suffers because of that. Since it seems he is fine with that, I didn’t see any hint that he suffers from his own personality and people around him. But I can be wrong too.
So I found another buddy who experienced the same thing. I was so confused after read this memorandum although I read it many times.
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probably my opinion went a different point of view because I ended up more specific of the “,” (comma) from the line. at first i thought at some point it is offsetting.. but I just realized that the sentence is ambiguous itself.
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That hit the spot!
I always was tricked by WW’s writing. (|||^ ^)
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